Witty me: Also known as the of Madam Nixie! (A.K.A ME!) June, 3, 2012 Sunday

June, 3, 2012, Sunday 9:08pm
WITTY ME!
You ever just had one of those days where you want to die in a hole or shank someone severally, to the point of just shreds left? Please say you have so I do not feel insane.
It was just a crappy day in general.
I woar a very cute outfit today to church. It was a grey sleevless undershirt with a black vest and a belt around the stomach, dark blue skinny jeans and these adorable highheels. The day started out awesome because I felt awesome! I should have stayed home.
Just when I was at the peek of happiness mom told me I shouldn't wear that shirt anymore because it made my arms look too muscular... I fell off that peek and exploded. After about an hour of tears hiding outside behind the church she finally found me and apologiesed saying that wasn't what she meant, just that it didn't match my personality... That is not what came out of her mouth!
I have always had issues with the fact I am a pretty toned out chick and could kick half the guys asses in Louisburg. I mean don't get me wrong I love that thought but my body image is something I am highly self consious about and every sunday it is always something.
First it was my boobs are too big for that shirt, then it was my ass is too small, then those shoes make you look like a hooker and now it is my muscles shouldn't be shown. I get tired of hearing how things don't match my body shape, or my personality. IF I CHOSE TO WEAR IT, THEN IT OBVIOUSLY FITS MY PERSONALITY!
Maybe I over reacted and shouldn't have hid from all the pitty eyed people staring at me, but I NEVER cry in front of people and there is no way in hell I was going to start today.
Sandman calmed me down a bit later but he managed to get on my shit list today too. Tedo text me again and apparently Sandman is saying He is NEVER going to have sex with me a lot more lately and that really pisses me off that he will tell MY friend but not me. No sex is not the issue, the issue is he is telling us two completely different things and one of those things is suggesting that he either;
A. Is too grossed out to have sex with me or;
B. He won't be around long enough to.
I am tired of feeling like everyone has a problem with the way I look and if he does he needs to leave, now. I really don't want him to leave but I don't want to hear from my friends that stuff, especially when he has a history of sexual relationships while I have had one. Which means I am terribly scared to do it again, he doesn't know that but if he is willing to have sex with sluts, then why is it a complete never with me?
He told me he loved me (He has never said that to anyone.) and that's why he wants to wait. That is incredibly sweet but why would he tell my friend otherwise? I feel horrible for being upset about this because I don't want sex right now but I can't make it stop; That damn feeling of not being wanted.
Maybe I am just having such a shitty day I am overreacting and sounding like a bitch, but I do really love Sandman. I won't confront him about this because I am getting to the point I just don't care. I will be waiting for the dumping instead of being attacked by it. Life goes on and I will not dread over this any longer.
Future pimpers out there take this as a warning that you are the one in charge, don't let the world rule you. Time to end this entry.
Peaceout.
With strength and care,
Sincerely,
Madam Nixie

P.s Future pimpers take this advise... Don't be like me.