Children Part II

So, last year I posted about being pregnant & my hope & fears about it.

Well I gave birth to a baby boy on the 2nd of december 2011 at 16:52 & for some odd reason 6 flipping months has passed & my little baby is not so little any more. He's a big strapping terror with a mischivious glint in his eyes ^_^

I remember so clearly all my worries about what giving birth would bring. Ofc the actual truama of labour & birth & then the real fear afterwards.

What I wasn't to know last yr was that I would be raising my son alone. What I also wasn't to know was that I would be arrested & thrown in a police cell for 4 hours. & I had no clue the reason for all of this would be my baby's dad. (sorry, sperm donor)

But really what I wanted to write down, to commit to paper (sort of) forever was the amazing feelings of love & pride you feel for your children.

I was totally blown away by the emotion I felt when I was handed my son. Seconds before I had been shouting in terror, pleading with someone to tell me why my baby wasn't crying. But the second he was in my arms, all swaddled up in a towel looking at me with the most beautiful blue eyes all I could feel was relief & love. The kind of love you read about.

I remember turning to my mum, who was sobbing & managing to choke out "isn't he beautiful" before looking back at him & telling him hello over & over.

The whole experiance is a blur, with only key points standing out. That moment with my mum, the actual moment of seeing him being born onto the bed. The fact he wasn't crying.

My only regret is not being the one to call my grandad & tell him myself that my son had been born. I was still unable to move & I had no signal on the bed. So my mum called him & told him my boy had been born & that we were both okay. She then started to cry again telling him my son's name. You see, my boy is named after his great-grandad, Thomas Edgson. My son's full name is actually Joshua Thomas Edgson. I'm told, my grandad spluttered a bit before starting to sob. My grandad had 3 daughters, so for my boy to take on his family name means the world to him.

From that friday night to now, my son has blown me away every second of every day. He is a wonder to me & I will never understand how my body grew something so beautiful & clever & just amazing.

I also wasn't to know a year ago that I would meet my current partner, who is without a doubt the best person I know. He is raising my son with me & he is such a wonderful daddy. We're planning to have our own baby & I get to do it all again.

So much lost in a yr, but so much more gained.

& that Mibba, is my thoughts for this evening

K x