A Letter For Unforgivable

Dear "Friends",

"All good music resembles something. Good music stirs by its mysterious resemblance to the objects and feelings which motivated it." -Jean Cocteau

The only thing that I keeping m me sane right now is music..Simple Plan...and.. good ole' One Direction. I don't care what anyone has to say.. I LOVE THESE BANDS! Regardless of if I know them personally or not. There music has been there for me. There music has calmed me down and I am thank for them. You can hate all you want but I love them.

"If people talk behind you back, it's because you're ahead of them." - Zayn Malik

I'm so annoyed it's not even funny. I wish I had friends that actually cared about me and actually took time to get to know me. Stop pretending that you know me. Stop the lying and the bulls**t. I'm sick of people! Every night since after graduation I've literally cried myself to sleep almost every night. Why am I missing people who more than likely don't give two s**ts about me! All I want is someone to care. Is that too much to ask for? I've built up so much anxiety over this and I'm sick of it! No one understands. I've lost a majority of my friends because people want to believe LIES. I just want someone to come and talk to me. I want someone to tell me that it's going to be okay. I want to stop crying and drowning in my thoughts and I want to be happy. I want to smile a REAL SMILE. I've been kicked before but this is the hardest and lowest that I've ever been kicked. 

"Age is just a number, maturity is a choice." - Harry Styles

How about we start acting like we're 18 or turning 18 this year?! I thought we stopped lying about stupid things when we were in elementary school! Thank you for showing me that friends can't be trusted! Why do I feel as if I'm the only one who cares or the only one who is suffering over this? OH YEAH BECAUSE I AM! YOU DON'T CARE AND YOU PROBABLY NEVER DID!!! After all I have done. I have stuck up for you guys so many times and I bet not once have you guys ever stuck up for me when someone said something about me.

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Who in the hell made that quote? Broken bones can be fixed. You can get a bandage or a cast. What can you get to fix a broken heart or feelings that have been heart? I'm sick and tired of you and your whole little group. I'm used to rejection and I'm used to bullying..as sad as that is it's true!  Everyone is on your side! Are you happy now? Well you should be.. you've won the battle but you better believe that you have no won the war. God doesn't give us what he doesn't think we can handle. 

"No matter how many times people criticize you, the best revenge is to prove them wrong." - Zayn Malik

HIGH SCHOOL WAS HELL FOR ME! I was a doormat to you. Whenever you needed me, I was there for you! Whenever you cried I was there hugging you. Where were you when I needed you the most? You over somewhere else laughing! This time you made me out to be some psycho b***h. You know that you're wrong. You know that you lied. but you don't understand that one day you will be caught and everyone will find out what the truth is and everyone will know what you're true colors are...
Life's unfair - Simple Plan
I don't understand what even provoked this! I DID NOTHING TO YOU AND I DON'T DESERVE THIS! ALL THIS TIME I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE AND FAITHFUL TO OUR FRIENDSHIP AND THIS IS THE S**T I GET? This is the thanks that I get?? This is just great..

"Sometimes things happen that make you change the way you think, it's the way you deal with that shows the true person you are." - Zayn Malik

I've never said this about anyone in my life but I HATE YOU AND YOUR LITTLE MIGNONS! I'm tired of trying to please you and make you happy. This relationship is OVER! As much as that hurts me to say. I've cried to many tears over you and too many tears over people that don't matter. I was the best thing you had and you pushed me away. Good luck with life. I wouldn't wish the worst thing on you but I wish one thing. I wish you could feel for one day what you have made me feel. I hate how fake you are. You talk about everyone behind their backs but turn around and smile in their faces... you call me fake? HAHAHA how about you go take a look in the mirror.

"And remember nobody's feelings are more important than your own. So take time to love yourself." - Zayn Malik

It's time I start to think about myself. I'm tired of putting other people first. IT'S MY TURN TO BE IMPORTANT. I've built the biggest wall up because of everyone! I now trust no one but me, myself and I! I came in this world by myself and I guess I shall leave the same way. I'm tired of being put last or on hold. When is it my time to feel important. I'll answer that for you. NOW! I used to be able to talk to people but now I hate talking to new people. I'm sick of suffering by myself. I have no one to talk to and I wish I had at least one person.

"You sometimes need to be outside the box to see whats inside it." - Zayn Malik"

I have no one to talk to and I wish I had at least one person. I done crying myself to sleep every night. It's emotionally exhausting. I can't do this anymore! I'm tired!! I used to say I'm happy I'm your friend but now you're my biggest regret. I just want someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I want someone to tell me that I don't have to suffer alone anymore. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED THEM AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN. 

"Never think that its too late for change, things can always get better." - Zayn Malik

You want to know something though... my family has even said that I'm a better person since I've been away from that group..This farewell was way overdue. I hold have cut ties with all of them a while ago. Thanks for showing me that friends cannot be trusted and thank you for showing me that people being friends are in for a roller coaster of drama. Goodbye and I hope to never see you're faces over again. I'm onto bigger and better things while you are on to still being a crappy person. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! I GUESS..Pauly D stops using hair gel..soooooo NEVER?! ehh fine by me because God has our lives in his hands. It's up ton him to decided. 

"Everything happens for a reason, learn from it and move on, don't be bitter about what happened be happy about what will." - Zayn Malik

I'm honestly happy that everything is ended. I wish that we [arted on better terms then you being bored and lying about me though... good job :] but I'm defiantly not bitter... very angry yes! you wasted my time. I wouldn't wish any bad things to happen to you but I do with this. I wish that you could feel the pain and unhappiness that you put me through for just one day... noo not even one day.. just one hour! I'll be satisfiered with that. I'm not going to get back you or anything. I'm just going to walk away from this situation with my head held. Maybe if I just get away from Baltimore, I'll be about to smile. I haven't given a real smile to anyone since graduation. I don't blame you. I blame myself. I blame me for allowing myself to stay in this unhealthy relationship.  

"Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, and if you don't then start because everybody is beautiful" -Niall 

"However many amazing things happen in your life you should always be thankful for it, remain humble, modest and respectful." - Zayn Malik

I want to be Krystal. The REAL Krystal. The person I know I can be. I'm funny and caring when people treat me right. I always put others before I think about myself. If you really knew me you would know that. I am smart. ohh I love my skin tone! you guys would always tease me by saying "ohh I can't see you in the dark" or " shut up oreo" or " you're the whitest black person I know." My skin tone is beautiful! I'm not black, I'm African American and I would like to be addressed as such! I'm am proud of my skin tone and what it represents. I'm apply the way I am. God made me this way for a reason. I shall be the way I am and walk about smiling. NOt a fake smile, this time I'll be smiling genuinely. 

"May your neighbours respect you, trouble neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you." - Zayn Malik

I'm ready to live life how an 18 should. All this stress is giving me wrinkles and worry lines. -_- 

"Even if there's a tiny tiny chance, isn’t that worth going for it?" - Louis Tomlinson