Oh, I get it...I'm a backup plan.

Incredible.
I do everything for my friends. I really do. I take notes when they’re not in school. I put a shitload of effort into holiday and birthday presents even though I really don’t have much money. I contact them when they’re not in school to make sure they’re okay. I’m always, always there for them when they need someone to talk to. NONE of this gets repaid. None.

And I don’t even have a right to be angry! I can’t be angry at such nice people, even if maybe they really don’t give a shit about me. And not only that, but I just don’t have the mental capacity to stop caring. I need to do what I do and try to make my friends happy, or I’ll feel like a horrible person. I’m like Ella Enchanted, if I don’t do it, it tears me apart.

But maybe, in addition to being that kind of person, I’m also that person whom everyone thinks they can just not give a shit about and she’ll be fine. But it’s not fine! I’m being completely and utterly ignored by everyone I care about. I’m a backup plan for when their more interesting friends are too busy. I’m not important or special enough to get a text from them once in a while, or an email, or a Facebook message. No.

Now that school is over and I don’t see them every day, I don’t exist. In their world, it’s okay for them to make plans and not invite me. It’s okay to ignore me for two months and then ask me for a favor. It’s okay to use me like they have been. It’s okay to make fun of me even when my mental state is already almost completely deteriorated.

Sure. No problem. I’ll be okay. I guess.