College, university and photography.

Since the start of the year, I've been having a mental argument with myself (and a physical argument with my tutors and parents) about whether or not I'm changing college courses in September and moving onto photography since, well, I'm a better photographer then I am writer.

Even though my photography is locally well know 'cause I mainly shoot local bands live, I couldn't really convince my parents it was a good idea. To them, doing photography at college would mean I'm throwing my talents in writing away - they can't see how happy it makes me and if they can, they ignore it.

Now, on Friday, I sat down with my tutor and he let me cry over the fact that nearly three weeks ago, I was very close to getting raped (to the point the police have the guy in jail after he raped a girl an hour after he tried to rape me) and how everything seems to be crashing around me. He then after I calmed down explained to me about how I could go about doing journalism and he actually made more sense of the situation then I ever possibly could.

I’ve decided that instead of moving onto photography in September (which would mean I’d have to be in Peterborough a year more then I need to be), I’m staying on journalism and doing my Final Major Project (FMP) specializing in photo journalism.

This means that next September/October, I’ll be starting university. Now, only two of my siblings have gone to Uni and as both of them attended Nottingham Trent (and now one of them is actually a PHD student and a lecturer there), my family are begging me to choose to go there.

I don’t think any of them have realized that I know the main reason why they want me to attend there (other then the fact the journalism course has an amazing module in photo journalism) is because they want my brother to keep an eye on me.

Um, I’ll be nearly twenty next year so why the hell do I actually need my brother to keep an eye on me? And even though I really struggle with getting course work done on time due to it taking me more time then most to get it done, I don’t actually need my brother putting in a good word for me if I really struggle to get accepted. I have enough points to get in now - don’t they realize this?

I mean, I know my brother is incredibly worried about me now he knows about my attack and knows that something’s not right in my head. That and the fact when his students play gigs at Club Revolution (the venue I photograph at), they always tell him that I look thinner and ill. And that makes my brother upset and call home (apparently - my parents never tell me these things) and ask them to look after me more (which they never do).

It seems that most of the time it’s only my brother that actually cares about me. He’s the only one that asks me about my life and wants to know who I am now I’m an adult and living a life that my parents don’t approve of.

-

So I've been a gig photographer since what, October? Yeah, around about that time. I have a page, I'm well known by lots of local bands and bands that have traveled and played in Peterborough.

Now, someone came up to me laughing on Friday night at a show and blurted out: "you only photograph bands that are in your city? What a f-ing joke!" Before they started saying other crap and laughing at the fact that to support myself and my parents, I work a three day a week (ha! I end up doing more than that most of the time) job at my local shop, am a youth worker and that I'm also full time at college...

Apparently pointing out that I've been invited by several bands (including MxPx) to shoot all over the country and that I've even shot fun. live before means I'm a "show off whore and deserve to die!"

I don't get people's logic but hey! I later found out this person has dropped out of college, is pregnant by a guy she doesn't even know the name of and works at Mac Donalds.

I don't know about you guys but I think my life is pretty much a hell of a lot better then this persons.