June 27, 2012

Time: 9:50 P.M.

So I'm going to start making these as actual journal--blog--entries. Like the notebooks that I write in. You guys don't have to comment or anything, I'm just letting everything out.

I can't wait until July 3. I'm supposed to have an appointment with a therapist. At the place I'm going to they got a new therapist and want to try me out with him/her. It should be ok, I need to get all the stuff off of my chest. You know, all the feelings I've had for the past few months and everything that happened at the end of the school year.

On another note, I can't wait until we move. That is if we move. We've been looking at a lot of houses and one that really caught my dad's attention had a house sitting on two acres, with a barn and stables behind it. That's somewhere between $60,000. But for 20 extra acres that are behind this house it would cost $80,000. My dad really liked that one. The mortgage is only like 2-300 dollars a month and with my dad's salary we could definitely manage that. If we move, he'll be making like $15 an hour.

I don't the feelings I've been having when I get mad. It's like every time I get peed off, it's my sister's fault. And she knows it too. It just triggers this feeling inside of me that makes me want to hurt her so bad. And I don't mean the normal brother/sister hurt. I want to kill her. But I don't want to kill her fast. I want to hear her screams of pain. I want to see her writhe in agony. I want her to know how I feel. I get these feelings all the time. When I was still in school, I had this sudden urge to take a knife and stab it into my math teacher's chest and watch as her mouth hangs gaping open and her eyes stare back at me; her blood covering the board.

So I guess this is the end of today's journal.

~Ashley~ xP xD