Quick update. Well I say quick.

Well, where do I start.

The doctors at EIS have finally filled my report to court meaning that Graham can send in his statement which I then have to respond to with the help of my solicitor. This battle for custody is taking so long, we haven't really started yet. Next hearing is in August.

I got a letter from the hospital, they have finally managed to book me in with a specialist. Again this is in August. The initial appointment is obviously just a consultation which my grandmother is insisting she be present at, I appreciate it, I really do, I don't want to go alone but then again I also don't want her to come with me, simply because they will be discussing what is going on with my stomach, telling me what tests I need to have done and then the dreaded lung cancer. They will be discussing that also and letting me know what the verdict is (I hope) I say that about the cancer but that is only an assumption, I don't actually know whether they will discuss the Cancer at that appointment or if it is stomach orientated only *shrugs* never can be too sure I suppose.

I said this to Grandma, that I don't want her to come because if they say something bad, I don't want it to upset her, neither do I want to cry in front of her. Her reaction to that was, "Don't be silly, Belle. I retire in August, I am coming with you, I will give you a life?"
How could I refuse that. Lol.

My money problems have not improved, in fact they have gotten steadily worse. To the point where my money goes in and the bills get taken out leaving me with £17 to buy food and nappies and wipes and stuff to drink like pop for Nathan. Sigh.

If anyone reading this still lives with their parents then, seriously, stay there! For as long as you are allowed. I left home at thirteen and it has been a constant struggle ever since.

My therapist is leaving to go to a new job, I have two choices, quit therapy or go on the waiting list to get a new one who will pick up where me and Karen have left of.

The first one is not an option, I never thought I would say this but I need that therapy. It is helping me in so many ways. It is painful, goddamn it is painful, but it is so beneficial. I know in the long run it will be the best thing for me.

The second choice is obviously going to be the one I choose, although I don't quite like that idea either. She said that the new therapist will pick up where she has left of, but anyone in the mental health services know that this is bull. You get a new person and you have to start all over again. Sure the foundations are the same, the new guy will know what conditions you have but he/she wont know you, as a person, he/she wont know what makes you tick, how to react to you, how to talk to you, how to respond and it is the same on the other side of the table as well, how should I respond to new person, how do I react, what is his/hers sense of humor (this is important to me because my sense of humor some people don't appreciate and it can be taken wrongly, it is very sarcastic at time, the conditions I have, if he misinterprets what I am saying as serious, when it may in fact be a joke, that could end badly for me).

Anyway, moving on.

I still have contact with Nathan, I get him on Thursday, 12pm until 6pm. I also get him overnight, from 4pm Friday until 4pm Saturday.

This is great. Not enough time in my eyes, but any time with my little man is precious time, it will all be changing soon :D

Nathan is two in August.

Gosh it is all happening in August isn't it.

The final thing I wanted to write about tonight is, Ryan.
Ryan is the new boyfriend. Yeah. We have been together for a week and a half. He is amazing. There is no other word for it. He makes me smile so much. If I am feeling down, it's instantaneous, he will say the right thing at the right time and there I go again, melting. It sounds so cliché and so soppy (anyone who knows me on here knows that I do not do soppy). He really is lovely. Nathan loves him, almost said Ryan the other day as well, was quite strange. Nathan still isn't talking properly, see. He will say 'Iyahh' until the cows come home, he says 'Mama' and he says 'Dada'. Those are his main words, he says other random words as well, like toast (every blue moon) and teddy (every other blue moon) and he will copy random words out of your sentence, so yeah, for him to almost say Ryan, I immediately thought, if that isn't the seal of approval then i don't know what is.

Ryan is 19. Same age as me, even though he likes to point out that he is, in fact, a month and about a week older than me, he worked it out at 50 days. Lol.

He also has a little lad, Jayden, who is 2 in January.

His little lads mother is like Graham, only in female form. Having said that though Graham is a woman only without the boobs. He has the period.

He (Graham) really annoyed me today and quite frankly scared me a fair bit. I'm not bashing as I am not going to have a rant about him. Just stating a memory.

I have rambled way to much now, so, I am going.

Feel free to send me a Private message or a wall comment if you want to chat about anything, would be lovely to make friends with some of the newer Mibbarians.

Good bless all, sweet dreams (I am in England and it is 2:01 am, haha)