STUCK

I'm stuck in this mad spinning world. Where nothing is right. Everything is just... wrong. It's weird. I'm mad for no reason. I'm sad for no reason. Happy when there's nothing to be happy about. I'm stuck just spinning round. I have too many addictions that I shouldn't have. The drugs keep dragging me in. The razor blades keep screaming my name. Food still taunts me. My brain is fuzzy in all this mess. Sober or High as FUCK. I know I need help. But I don't think I'll get it unless I end up in the hospital. I can't/won't ask for it. See part of me has convinced me that this is all ok. That living like this is all I diserve so it's how I have to live. On the other hand I know I have two nieces and a little brother that think the world of me and love me to death. I know I need to stay "OK" for them. I'm just spinning so mad that I really don't know which way to go next. I'm STUCK.