Recently there's been a lot of discussion (and ranting and raving) about an incident that took place at the Laugh Factory during comedian Daniel Tosh's set. According to accounts, Daniel Tosh said to a woman in the audience (who spoke against his persistent statement that rape jokes were funny) that it would be funny is she were raped by 5 guys. (According to all reported accounts, though his 'tone' and 'intent' may have been different from what the woman reported, he did 'say something about her being raped by 5 guys.' 1])
Because of his statements and this incident, there's been a lot of discussion about whether or not jokes about rape are ever appropriate or humorous, as well as talk about whether or not Daniel Tosh should be taken off air (he has a show on Comedy Central, I believe) or lose his credibility as a comedian. (In the past, Daniel Tosh has been criticized for his frequent use of rape in his comedy act.)
Since the incident, Tosh has 'apologize' for the incident via his twitter account [2] and is supposedly working to edit out the rape-joke content from his upcoming television show/special.
This is as much of the situation that I've gathered (w/o including a crap-ton of links that basically say the same thing as the ones I've provided, though -as with anything- you should definitely look this up and view some more sources and accounts; it's always good to gather as much information on your own, rather than relying on information given to you in someone's - my - blog).
Now, over the past few days, I’ve been hearing a lot about this incident via Tumblr, new-sites, and other media, and I have to say I find the incident and response to it...frightening
There’s a lot of terrible things about the backlash what has happened here and a lot of backlash to the original post, but most responses are just plain disturbing.
Things like “To jeopardize someone’s career because of a rape joke…not okay," - which is what I'd like to address.
Listen, when you do something to put your career in jeopardy, that’s YOUR fault and YOUR problem. No one should just shut up and take it because, oh crap, it might - rightfully - destroy your career. If you don’t want your career in jeopardy, don’t do things that’ll put it in jeopardy.
This sentiment reminds me of an incident that happened when I was walking to the mall with a friend.
On the walk from my friend's apartment to the closest mall, there's a fancy apartment building with doormen staff. The first time we walked by that day, the doorman (standing right in front of the building where he worked), started saying lewd things to us. My friend and I ignored him and kept walking. Upset that we didn’t say anything to him, he started shouting profanities about us ‘ugly bitches.’ My friend turned around and told him to ‘fuck off’ as we continued to distance ourselves from him, but his shouting was so disgusting that an older man who was walking behind us felt that he had to intervene, telling the doorman “That’s not the way to talk to ladies,” and asking him to stop and be quiet, and then starting to lecture him about his behavior. My friend and I don’t know what else was said, we just kept walking.
After buying some things in the grocers, a few hours later, we walked back to her house, having to pass in front of the building again. The same doorman was standing just inside the building’s entrance way. When he saw us, he walked out of the entrance way and started saying lewd things at as us again. This time, my friend and I turned and looked at the building, making note of the address and then walked inside (right past him) to the front desk of the apartment complex. We spoke to the person sitting behind the desk. Asked for the number of the building’s management, letting her know we wanted to file a complaint about the doorman’s harassment.
Immediately, the guy started talking again, loudly and irate. He said things like, "Why are you trying to bring my job into this? Why are you trying to get me fired? How can you put my job in jeopardy? That’s not right. Don’t call them. That’s not right. Don’t mess with my job. How can you mess with someone’s job? That’s not right.”
Calmly, my friend and I explained to him that he was the one who put his job in jeopardy the moment he started saying crude things to us. We explained that if he had just let it go after the first time we walked past, it would have been over with. We explained that it was his decision to harass us the second time we passed, that got him into this trouble. We let him know that if he valued his job, he wouldn’t have decided to sexually harass two women, directly in front of his job, while on the job, not once, but twice, within the span of a few hours. And we let him know that we were notifying management. And we sure as hell did.
We notified the management of this man’s behavior through a phone call and we sent written notice. We described him and what he said, and we told them what time the incidents happened so they would be sure to get the right guy. And we made sure to tell them that if this continued, we would have to take further action.
I’m glad to say we haven’t seen that guy again since. And I don’t know if he got fired or simply relocated but I’m glad he’s no longer working in my neighborhood. In fact, I hope to all hell he was FIRED. Because people (both men and women - because I’ve seen too many women defending this kind of behavior) need to learn that this is not okay. It is not only disrespectful but threatening. The minute you treat a woman like that, YOU ARE THREATENING HER. It is a threat and should be treated as such. It should never be taken lightly.
To Women: No one has the right to make you feel unsafe…EVER. Whether it’s an outright threat or in the form of a so-called joke, it’s never okay. And never let someone make you feel bad or guilty for standing up for yourself and reporting violence against women. Don’t be guilted or shamed into feeling sympathy for people who treat you that way. They don’t deserve your sympathy. Not even a little bit.
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I'm interested in hearing Mibbian thoughts on this: on this particular incident, on Daniel Tosh's comedy, on rape jokes, on sexual harassment, on violence against women, and on complacency when it comes to sexual harassment and violence (verbal or physical against women).
* If you're going to respond here, please remember Mibba's rules on bashing - which can be found here. Remember to remain respectful to the opinions of others and to refrain from bashing and name-calling.
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