What to do?

I seem to find myself in a frustrating situation that I feel like I can only talk to complete strangers about.

I went to school with a boy that I am hopelessly attracted to. When i first met him over 4 years ago I was in a relationship with a man I thought I loved. Turns out that relationship turned out to just be another chapter in my life that I moved on from. After ending a two and a half year relationship I was single again and this boy I was hopelessly attracted to appeared in my life again.

Ever since I met this boy I have felt weird, like when I am around him, he is the center of attention, but it is more than that. No matter how he looks I find myself turned on and no matter what he does I want to be by his side, I want to see him succeed, go somewhere, do something with his life. I want to be by his side and help him do what he wants in life.

So after he appeared in my life again we got together, honestly it was too soon after my last relationship and I wasn't ready so I messed it up and we ended for a little over a month. During that time I pulled myself together and became a little more like the person I wanted to be.

Then we started seeing each other again, neither of us had seen anyone in the time we were away and it felt amazing. He is a simple boy, not completely book smart but an amazing mechanic, a workaholic, and a emotionally retarded man who cares about people but doesn't always know how to show it. Yet, he is perfect to me. He was never the kind of person for relationships or commitment so I was surprised when he was the first one to say the love word and that we lasted over 2 years.

Today I find myself single again since April, almost completely over him, and managing when he comes walking back into my life again. Now he has a girlfriend that he is miserable with and trying to ditch, and spend his nights cuddled with me in bed.

I don't know what to do... he is the type of man to avoid emotions so I haven't wanted to ask questions but it is leaving me restless at night. What do i do with an ex with a girlfriend who can't seem to keep me out of his arms (not in a sexual way) and my completely mixed up emotions? I feel like I would have been okay with being friends if he wouldn't have started holding me like nothing ever happened, now all I want is to be able to call him mine again.

That leaves the ultimate question.... What to do?
July 16th, 2012 at 11:17am