bleh.

---This is just going to probably waste your time and I'm only writing it for my own benefit to get stuff off my chest---

How can so much change in a year and five months? I don't understand. I was probably thee most happiest girl back in January last year. I met the guy who meant so much to me. We had a relationship and he stopped my world from crumbling down. He was there for me when I was upset about my great-nanna Bessie passing away. He used to cuddle me and hold me close. He always knew when something was wrong.. If I knew how I was going to feel after he finished me, I would never have met him.

I can't believe some of the thoughts that I've though over the past year. I can't believe the stuff I've done to my own body. I can't believe I have to fight the urges to do things to my own body. I'm fed up of feeling useless. I'm fed up breaking promises. If only people understood then they would know how hard it is to stop. I hate hate hate relapsing. It makes me feel so disappointed, and I let the people who want to help me down.

I'm sorry if I keep things to myself. That's the way I've always been. I can't just change and open up, it doesn't work like that.

I know things bad when the person I tell about self-harming tells me on a few different occasions that she wishes she could help me. When that person tells me that she worries about me constantly because she doesn't know when something will push me over the edge and cause me to do it again.

God damn. I'm sorry. I hate making people worry.

On a good note, it's been a month and 5/6 days since I last self-harmed..
July 19th, 2012 at 10:04am