Why do I do this to myself.

There are just no words to describe how I'm feeling right now. And I mean that in the worst way possible.

It's just, today, for just a little bit I was really excited and happy. I was really looking forward to the future, suddenly something was going right. And then that was taken away.

I've just got no-one to talk to who would listen to my stupid babblings at the moment, and definitely no-one who wouldn't judge me for crying over such stupid matters, so you guys get the displeasure of reading about it in my stupid blog.

My boyfriend and I finally found someplace to rent today. It wasn't easy, because there a literally zero rental properties in this town and there are literally zero other places we can go, due to affordability and his work and stuff.

But there was this place, just as you drive into town, that has been on the market since God knows when. Nobody wants to buy it, because whoever buys it has to pay for the removal of the old rusted underground gas tanks (it was one a petrol station). So we asked the owners, who are conveniently the parents of one of my boyfriend's motocross buddies, and they totally agreed to rent it to us straight away.

$80 bucks a week, huge place, acreage out the back. Quite a freaking deal, even if it is in a town with a population of like 100 people. Most houses 'round here are $240+ a week.

So we got ourselves a bargain, and we set about cleaning the place up and making all these plans and stuff.

It was a freaking go ahead, owner said we could move in as soon as we freaking well wanted, handed over the keys.

And then one of the neighbors down the road noticed us cleaning up and preparing to move in and decided he would buy the place. I mean, this guy has driven past the for sale sign for the past couple of years, and never thought to buy it before. And then when we start cleaning it up, he decides he wants to buy it?

Thanks a lot old dude.

It's got me really freaking upset because I really got my hopes up about leaving this awful place I currently call a home. I was actually really hopeful for the future, for practically the first time in my life, and I was really looking forward to finally moving in with my boyfriend, and not ever having to go "home" from his place again.

I was so deliriously fucking happy for just a moment, that I stopped thinking about what could go wrong and started thinking about what had gone right, for once.

And then this guy comes along.

And of course, the place hasn't actually been taken off the market, because all of this only took place this afternoon. We asked to rent & they agreed & he wanted to buy it all within about one hour.

I just feel so totally and utterly heartbroken.

And there's no way we're going to find anywhere else. Especially not that I can afford. My boyfriend's fine, with his lovely paying job, but I'm only a student on a students allowance. Most houses cost more in a week than I earn in a fortnight. I can't pay half of something that is double what I earn anyway.

I guess I'm y'know, overreacting.

But whatever.

Thanks for paying attention. Or not, as the case may be. Just thanks.