Cynthia Monologue (existential)

Cynthia

You asked why I did it ,well does it matter at the end of the day  my life ends just like
yours.Just coz your a cop doesn't mean you'll die any better than me but I'll tell you
why anyway...

When I was young I  was tough never laughed, never cried ,never bugged anyone, i 
was my own person. I did what I needed to get to the top and there I was smart, 
successful ,admired I had everything but I was so alone.

 Everyday was empty.Everyday it was my footsteps that echoed.I'd watch the moms in minivans with just enough to get by and they looked so happy.People looked at me with always the same look ,the look of pity.they'd whisper like I couldn't hear "never have her own" they'd say and I couldn't take it anymore!was I not deserving enough to be fertile!Did god forget me!and i couldn't adopt i was a single women... but there was Roger...[shakes head] no no he left me coz a women is not a women if she cant do what she was put here to do. ...

So I did what I had to coz I always get what I had to because I always get what I want
.why should I be any different why should I be stripped of the life experiences I 
deserved so much! I was tired of my lonely rut .I wanted more i wanted it all .So i 
bought it ,paid an arm and a leg for it and that whore was more than happy to get rid
 of it she even laughed and said "no refunds your stuck with the lil bastard" but I 
 wasn't stuck not anymore I had what they said I couldn't and for a few seconds I was perfect...

Don't  look at me like that! I hate that look,you all think I'm crazy don't 
you,but I'm not coz there is no god! All that bible shit about how god loves us all,well
 he didn't love me enough. You think these chains are binding but they aren't death 
is binding. Take this advice if it's the only thing I've  ever learnt you were born
alone,you'll live alone and you'll truly die alone the sooner the better!