He's turning 37 and we're taking him to Geisha House for dinner. I feel it necessary to make this post about him because I feel like I owe him so much. Some song lyrics will be thrown in here and there, I'm not trying to confuse you lol.
I want to start by telling a story but let me fill you in on a couple of things first.
When I was 14 I was diagnosed with clinical depression, bipolar 1 disorder and borderline schizophrenia. There were many times where I felt it would be easier for my family, friends, and myself if I was no longer around. On many occasions I had locked myself in my bathroom, pulled out everything toxic from the medicine cabinet, sit on the floor and contemplate what I was about to do. Every time I would do this, it's like my brother(JR) knew what I was doing because he would call and say something along the lines of "Are you ok?" "I feel like you're in trouble" "Can we hang out?" and I would tell him "No I am not fine. I am in trouble and come get me now." He would rush to me as fast as he could and we would go do whatever. He would talk to me about this and that. Every thing under the sun. There was one occasion that stands out in particular though and that's what I'm going to share with you.
"There is no escaping.There's no place to hide.You scream "Someone save me"But they don't pay you no mind"
It was 11:30 pm, sophomore year of high school, I was having a break down.
I was sitting in my bathroom. I had the prozac, depakote and chlorpromazine out in a row on my counter. I was scared, shattered, confused and kept beating myself up in my mind.
I felt so alone. No one understood what it was like to feel this way. I couldn't get a grip on it. I was manic I was panicked I just couldn't grab the reigns. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I kept telling myself 'just do it, they'll be better off.' So I went to grab one of the bottles and my phone rang. It was my brother. I didn't want to answer it, I was a wreck. What was I gonna say to him. It's not like he'd believe me since I was in hysterics. I ignored it and reached for the bottle again. I had just gotten the bottle open when my brother called again.
"HELLO!" I shouted. I thought maybe if I sounded angry he wouldn't notice how distraught I was.
"Laina. What is wrong? Are you ok?" My brother asked frantic as if he already knew what was happening. I just broke down and told him everything. He told me he was on his way already and would be at the house in five minutes. When my brother got to the house I was still in my bathroom lying on the floor, crying hysterically. He picked me up in his arms and just held me. He played with my hair and told me everything was going to be okay and he was going to help me through whatever it was that was wrong.
"Seems that the wrath of the Gods Got a punch on the nose and it started to flow; I think I might be sinking."
My brother brought me to his house and on the way there told me "I just want you to know that you shouldn't feel that we would be better off without you. Even if everyone else was better off without you I wouldn't be and I think we're close enough to know that that makes a big difference. I never thought you would feel that way and I never wanted you to. You have this light in you Laina and not everyone has it. It's a gift. When you walk into a room you light it up, you turn heads not just because you're pretty but because you are enchanting. This good feeling that you give off is so amazing. You should know that Laina, you should know."
"The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake as the children of the sun began to awake."
Something clicked in me that night. I didn't know what but this feeling of a great change swept over me. Like an awakening of sorts. My brother saves me...everyday. He reminds me that life is a great challenge but I have the strength to grab it and make it mine.
I seriously owe a part of my life to my brother.
He is the greatest man I know.
"The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today."
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