A Dark Place
I've found myself in a dark place. I feel so.. weak. So helpless. I can feel myself being drained of anything and everything good or happy. I'm drowning in my own tears. I'm trapped. I have to force myself just to get out of bed in the morning. No, I try and try but my body doesn't give in until after noon. I can't eat. I don't feel the cravings anymore, which sadly is a relief. I feel the urge for drugs and alcohol. I find myself thinking about different sinarios of how I would be able to come upon certain drugs. I just want it to stop. I want that voice inside my head to go away. But it doesn't. And I don't know how to make it shut up. I've changed. I've changed completely. I'm different, everything is so different. I'm not me. I don't know who "me" is anymore. Maybe I never did. Maybe I'm secretly crazy and the real psychotic me is tired of hiding. No. I don't know. I've found myself in such a dark place. And I don't know or understand why. Getting all of this out is good, I guess. But reading it back to myself scares me. I'm so alone. I'm so fucked up. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm lost.
July 26th, 2012 at 05:50am