A wake up call for my brother...

Matthew, I'm sorry. I wish you could just forgive and forget, but I know that's never gonna happen until I'm dead and gone. Randy needs you right now. Stop with the hatred. I know when you were in the hospital the other day, you had to hold back your tears, but fom where I was standing, you wanted to hurt Randy. You wanted to hurt him badly. You probably said to yorself, " I don't need to hurt him. He's already done enough to himself since he's dying anyways." You know what? Fuck you.

I don't know what your problem is, but you need to get over it. I knew deep down in my heart that you and Randy were only going to get close again if something really bad happens. And you know what? Something DID happen. I don't know what your deal is with Randy, and I surely don't want to know, but you need to get over it. You're 19. You don't know the world yet. You have only touched the surface. You probably think I don't know what I'm talking about since I'm only 16. Well, believe it or not, I had to grow up. A LOT these past few years.

I finally found out who I was( just a little), and I didn't need your help to get it. I ask the family why you hate me so much. Their reply is always the same. They say that you're jealous of me. Jealous of what? Of my life? Have you even seen my life recently? Nothing right now feels right to me. No matter what I do, I always feel like it's wrong. If you want to know the truth?

I can't trust many people. I don't even trust myself. Because of you. All of the allegations of me being a 'WHORE' in band. They're all lies. I cannot believe someone who I have considered to call my 'brother' for so many years in my life would trust a comeplete stranger's opinion over mine.

It's hard for me to love someone. Because of you. You were cold-hearted to me when I haven't even said two words to you. I can be looking at something or putting on makeup and you would say that I'm 'getting ready to whore around.' That's probably not what you said, but you were thinking about it. I know you were.

After all of the shit you put me through, after all the lies you told about Randy, mom, and myself to other family member, after all of the shit making us look like that bad guys, I still manage to find whatever what was left in my heart, and I FORGAVE YOU. I FORGIVE YOU.....

I know you will probably never see this, but I just want to say one more thing:
I am the one who forgave YOU. It is YOUR decision whether you want to patch things up, or leave as is. Your move, Matthew.