Mixed up?

Im so like all over the place. I dont even understand any of it.
Like I like a guy at work, but I still kind of love my ex, then there's the girl at work that I think is super cute.
Its just like a total mess, I dont even know.
Its not even like I actually want a relationship anyways.
I told myself I wasnt going to date after all the crap with my ex and here I am flirting it up and crushing on people. Am I really just going to torture myself like this?
I feel so dumb sometimes liking people. They hardly ever like me back and even if they do I usually end up doing something to screw it up in the process.
Now, dont go and think that Im all depressed and stuff about it. Cause Im not. Im actually in a pretty good place right now. Like work is just amazing, especially cause I spend so much time with the one guy and I just generally love summer and what not. But its like underneith all the good stuff there's always a layer of... black.
Like a black grime coating the underside of all the sunshine and happiness.
I dont even really know what Im saying right now. Its all just coming out. I dont even know why Im saying any of this because Im pretty happy with life right now, except the times that make me feel like crap and all depressed and dark and stuff.
Gosh I really dont have a solid thought to say right now. Its all too complicated for words.
Well I guess I can stop babbling on about nothingness, since it probably makes no sense to any of you either.