I crush on the worst people

One girl I like hates me. The other one is one of my best friends, and I don't have a chance. Yet another doesn't know I exist like that. I swear I'm friendzoned with everyone. EXCEPT the people I don't want to be with like that. I really am mainly a girl's girl, and a couple guys keep crushing on me, and don't get me wrong. Guys are attractive, but I'm so emotionally picky with them, and I refuse to date someone I am not emotionally attracted to just to see what happens. That's cruel.

I swear I'm not like this all the time. I'm not mopey all the time, I'm not a complete bitch. I just spend so much time trying to fix other people's problems that I neglect mine, and then either a blog, or a friend becomes victim to my whining. Honestly it's better on the internet because at least you guys have a choice to listen to it.

Sometimes I feel like I'll be alone forever. I'm such a hopelessly socially awkward person. I can't talk to people until they talk to me, unless I know I'll never see them again. And then when someone DOES talk to me I'm so excited I scare them off, and on the off chance I DON'T scare them away, they are the type of person who would never want to be with me romantically, or that isn't compatible with me. Somehow I feel like my chances at love were blown far too early, and now I'm all out of chances. No one will ever love me the way I want to be loved. Maybe I'm not good enough for it. Maybe I'm not pretty enough, I don't know. I just feel so alone sometimes. I have friends, and usually that's enough, but a friend doesn't want to kiss me, or give me their sweater and say I look cute in it. Or cute shit like that. My friends like to be friends. Granted, my friends are a whole lot more romantic then others, that's all they'll ever see me as. Their friend. That one girl they can go to when they need it. Sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes I want somebody to LOVE me.

I realize this is all too dramatic for a sixteen year old, but honestly I just want a little bit of happy. True love isn't what I'm asking RIGHT NOW. Later, yes. but now all I want is someone to care for me like that.

sorry for my bitching guys.
July 30th, 2012 at 10:17am