I was feeling bored and snarky. (I hope this amuses you as much as it amused me.)

So when I saw one of those "OMG PICK A QUESTION AND ASK ME!" things reblogged on Tumblr, I decided I'd just go right ahead and answer them without waiting for someone to ask (because what's even the point of that?).

So here are the questions, and my answers.

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say...

I LOVE YOU TOO WHY ARE WE SCREAMING

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

I work evenings, so I always sleep in. =D

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

This statement, while true, is nonetheless still a statement and should end with a period, not a question mark.

4: Do you have siblings?

One. Brother. Tim. Age 25 (almost 26, holy shit we're getting old). Marine.

5: How many kids do you want?

I can't decide between one, two, three, four, and eight.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

The same person I was just hypothetically screaming at about love.

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

I have to, he's nine freaking inches taller than I am.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

I would like to think so.

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

The last person that will ever talk on the phone, or the most recent person to talk on the phone? Either way I don't know because I don't keep track of everyone in the world's phone talking habits, but you really ought to ask less ambiguous questions.

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

There may have been people who saw us kiss. But to say they saw us kiss and to say they watched us kiss have entirely different connotations, one of which is substantially creepier.

11: When’s your birthday?

June 13.

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

August 2009, while cuddling while watching a Pink Floyd live DVD in my living room with my best friend sleeping on the couch behind us.

13: What kind of phone do you have?

The kind that sends and receives phone calls and text messages, has an alarm clock, and plays Tetris. That is all I want or need from my cellular devices.

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

Short shorts at the moment. Though you caught me at an odd time. Usually I don't wear pants.

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

My social security card, driver's license, and other forms of personal identification verify that yes, I am in fact the same person. Unless someone switched my identity AND erased my memory of my former identity without telling me, but that would be just rude.

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

Trying to take over the world. Or sleeping. I don't know, it's usually one of the two.

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

Oddly enough, I do love writing essays.

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

If I was, and I admitted it here, I would cease to be lying to myself, hence making the answer "no." But if I was and I wrote "no," then I would be lying not only to myself, but to the survey. This is a paradox and I want no part of it!

19: Last night you felt…?

A little chilly, the air conditioner was on all day.

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

Yesterday. No matter how long I wait, it will never be yesterday again, thus I can't wait for yesterday.

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

I couldn't possibly have, because I can not perform an action that is in fact not an action or even a verb.

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Nine-ish?

23: Are you a morning or night person?

Oddly enough, I am a person both in the morning and at night, and as far as I am aware, during the day and evening in between as well.

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

Probably some self-inflicted issue or another. Accidental, naturally.

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

No, I reply to other peoples' texts to me. It would be silly to reply to my own texts.

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

Answer with, "Why are you calling me, buttface? I'm right down the hall."

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

You know what, I have had it with these "last kiss" questions. Let's pretend, for the rest of this survey, that I have never, ever kissed anyone, okay?

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

The people who make the roads. And the things I'd like straightened? The roads! Everyone knows a straight line would be the fastest route!

29: How many months until your birthday?

Bitch, I just told you my birthday, figure it out yourself.

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Chocolate. Or bananas and bread.

31: Did you like this past summer?

Do you mean this summer, which is currently happening, or last summer, which is the most recent summer that has fully passed? Again with the ambiguity.

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

Technically I didn't get on the computer. If I did, my weight would probably break it. Laptops aren't chairs, silly.

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

Ask him how why he and his girlfriend are in my bedroom and could they please kindly call before showing up at my apartment next time because what if I'd been naked?

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

I don't remember. I tend not to listen to the things I say.

35: Your mood summed into one work?

Probably Bach's famous Toccata and Fugue.

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

Well, now I'm listening to that Toccata and Fugue.

37: What are your initials?

KRC.

38: Are you a happy person?

Most of the time.

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

Well, you see, at any given time, there are a lot of people I like. Family, friends, etc. I talk to most of them still, yes, but I think it's a bit sad that you'd assume I only liked one person four months ago. I can't, for example, only like one of my parents at a time! That's appalling.

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

Well, as I am not in possession of an older, I can't answer that, but if I was you'd have to specify what my older would be doing at which point I would decide what to live.

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

Okay, you know what, let's pretend I've never been born either. I've never kissed anyone and I've never had a birthday. No more of those questions.

42: What did you do yesterday?

Nothing. I didn't exist. I haven't been born.

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

Not existing. Or perhaps being born so that I can have birthdays.

44: How late did you stay up last night?

Until whatever time I fell asleep.

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

No one should be willing to do "anything" for anyone. I mean, wouldn't you agree it would be morally wrong if, say, I'd be willing to kill someone for my boyfriend's amusement? I mean, really, think your questions through!

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

No, but it's not necessary either. I make myself laugh quite enough.

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

No. Never. Any people who have had romantic relations at any point in their lives can never again be friends. They must either be in love with one another for the rest of their lives, or hate each other forever because each one is the scum of the earth with no redeeming qualities and they obviously dated for no reason because there is nothing to like. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS A LOVE/HATE DICHOTOMY DON'TCHA KNOW.

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

You know what? No more questions about my exes, either. Let's pretend I don't have any because this is just silly.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

Well, you see, I have quite a wide range of feelings and emotions which can be directed toward a wide range of people, so that number would be hard to calculate.

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

I HAVE NO EX WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Nope.

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

Having never been in that situation, I can't really say for sure.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

Not nearly as good as New Year's Odd.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

It's a pretty big risk, making bets on strangers' thoughts, don't you think? Once again, though, this is a statement and should end with a period. Seriously, our educational system is failing us, isn't it?

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

It would reveal me for the soulless heathen I am and they would hate me forever. That, or they wouldn't give a shit. Yeah, they'd probably just not give a shit.

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

Whatever's comfortable on any given night.

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

Well, I think I SHOULD be asking questions before I move! For starters, would the house I'm moving into be architecturally sound? I think that's an important thing to know!

58: What would you change about your life right now?

I'd like to not be wearing pants.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

Nothing worth retelling now.

60: Are you on the phone?

No, I'm on my bed.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

Can't I just enjoy life as it comes rather than trying to rush back and forth like a mother of five on Black Friday?

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

Well, considering $40,000 would be enough to buy me a brand new car and have half of it left over...

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

Talked to, yes. Had a worthwhile conversation with, sadly, no.

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

It happens.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

I haven't, which is why I understand the rules of punctuation enough to understand the use of apostrophes to indicate possession, unlike SOME people.

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?

"liks?" Either you can not type or I have to expand my vocabulary to include this..."liks" of which you speak.

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

I tend to ignore my phone unless I'm either expecting a call or bored at work.

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

Not all the way from dusk 'til dawn, but for several hours yes.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

How does one "use" sleep?

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

Goodness, at age 23 it's so hard to tell.

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

If they're my things. Especially my keys, I'd hate that.

72: What’s your favorite color?

Clear.

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

I've slept in the same room with friends and family and even my pets, sure. And I've even slept in the same room with my boyfriend. SCANDALOUS!

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

Usually my phone.

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

Only by things that are inherently annoying. Like road construction or bad drivers or stupid people.

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

I have always maintained that we should always tell the people in our lives that we care about them.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

Boyfriend.

78: Does anyone call you babe?

Again, boyfriend. Occasionally.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

...What's with the sudden obsession with the opposite sex? How about we pretend I have no gender. I've never kissed anyone, I've never been born, I have no exes, and I have no gender. We good now?

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

I actually would love two nightstands, but there's just not enough floorspace in my bedroom.

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

Black. LIKE MY SOUL.

82: Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

A fair few people, actually. People come into my life and people leave my life and sometimes it sucks, but that's the way it is, and I'm okay with that.