Disouraging

I've been dealing with depression and axiety problems for year now... I used to cut a lot, but have now been about 2 months without doin so.
Lately, I've been having those kinds of thoughts again though... I keep feeling so distant from all of my friends, and even my boyfriend. I want to tell him about what I'm feeling, but I'm scared to. The last few times I've ever tried to tell anyone about this kind of stuff it seemed like they either just blew it off, didn't take me seriously, or didn't fully understand how badly all of this is bothering me...
So, now my boyfriend is asking me what's wrong, and I'm scared of trying to explain it because I don't want to have him not understand... I know he would try, but it'd just upset the both of us if he couldn't fully understand and help in some way. The past experiences with trying to talk to people have just discouraged me so much... My self esteem and confidence, which my boyfriend had been helping me to build up, is slowly being torn down again by my mom... I've also recently been having thoughts about food... Like... anorexic thoughts. No matter how many times I get told how skinny I am, I feel fat. I get so upset and paranoid that I'm going to gain weight just from eaing a normal meal...
I'm kind of freaking myself out and I don't know what to do...