What if I Were to Die?

Sometimes I get thoughts of "if I died, would anyone care?" I'm sure a bunch of us have, though. I get mine randomly and usually at night when I'm on my computer, in my room, alone. This is the time of day I think of things my sisters have said through the day or things my parents or friends or anyone have said. It doesn't have to be they've said something bad, but my perspective of it is bad. I tend to internalize these things, though, and sometimes I act on the bad thoughts... This usually ends with worst thoughts.

I recently might've lost one of my good friends - more like a brother, really - because I was stupid and I'm really upset by this. I love him, so much, and he means the world to me. I can't lose him and I feel so idiotic.

I feel like I burden one of my other friends because I talk to him about my impulsive-ness a lot. We talk all the time, but I feel like I'm annoying him or something because I talk to him so much about my problems and I feel like a whiny b!tch. I help him too, but I feel like I complain so much more... And it's cause I trust him, a lot. I feel so connected with him and I just feel like he gets me, so I want to tell him what's going on, but then I need to talk to someone about my problems and I feel trusting enough to tell him.

Anyways, the feeling of never being noticed kinda puts you down...

If anyone needs someone to talk to, I'm here, by the way. <3