Burden

Okay this is my first blog on here and im just letting my feelings out. I usually do it through stories but thats getting me nowhere.

Okay so I feel like a burden. Im doing nothing in my house. Mind you im almost 17 and still living with my parents and younger brother. I've had depression and self harm issues in the past but im afraid the depression is creeping up on me again. My dad decoded to be very blunt and straight up with me which i appreciate but it hurt. He said that i was the reason my room was a wreck and smelled so bad when HELLO I HAVE A BEARDED DRAGON. When there is an animal in the room im pretty sure its her. No offense to Marley(the lizard) but it's true.
I also think something is wrong. I'm happier when my parents and brother leave. When im home alone. Im happier when im ALONE. I dont quite understand it.... Every girl wants to be happy with SOMEONE. But I guess you could say im different. Usually at my age you have a boyfriend and love hanging out with friends. But Me? I want nothing to do woth relationships. I ha e very few friends as it is. I mean everyone knows me and likes me but very few of them hangout with me. I know what you're thinking. What a fucking loser. But i like it. I dont like loud crowded areas. I like staying in my room. Listening to music. Letting my mind roam. As soon as my brother walks in that nice peaceful environment? Gone. Broken. As soon as he leaves im happy again. So im lost on what is wrong with me...
Im not one of those girls that are self centered. I think of other before myself. But I cant help but wonder why im more comfortable alone. Thats sad.. and maybebits because i've been lonlely for almost 4 years. Always being put down. Teased. Bullied. I put myself down. I've been throih alot of shit. I just wish I knew. My senior year of high school starts in a few weeks and I dont want to be the loner freak anymore. I've changed amazingly the last year and I dont want that to change.
I had to get my feelings out before i exploded. That never ends good with me.