What is a Person Worth?

What is a person worth? Honestly?

During the time after my mom’s death the people of Risk Management up at the U asked me this. Asked me how much money do I think it’s reasonable for my mom’s death? What kind of question is that? Is that all we are worth? $75,000 dollars?

The answer is no, my mom is not worth any amount of money but something more that can’t be measured. But in this world it’s like they can buy your forgiveness. I’m not saying I deserve more money all I’m saying is my question. What is a person worth?

What is my value? This being that lives and breathes but is rotting away. I have no family but I have some good friends. I have money in my pocket and skin that I’ve carved. Do I have a price? Does it go down with the mistakes I’ve made?

If someone tells me I’m worth it, what does that mean? I don’t understand, even when I say it. Some people I know I’d walk to the end of the earth to make happy even know I know they won’t do the same. Does that mean they’re worth it? Does that mean they’re not because that person wouldn’t do the same even though they make me so happy at times?

I don’t get it.

If I were to kill myself tomorrow or get killed in an accident does that affect how people see me? See my value? How much I impacted their lives? How many times I helped them pick themselves up, help people get clean, offered my home and money. Does that show up or is it something that just doesn’t matter because after time that space that I was fills up with something new.
People say they don’t forget and some don’t but most do. Would I become just a memory that is occasionally brought up? Is that worthy?

I don’t know guys. I’m just rambling all I know is I feel worthless. People tell me I’m not but I don’t know what makes me ‘worth it.’ I’m a sad excuse of a human that refuses to look on the bright side of things anymore. How can that have some kind of value? At least not a positive value in my eyes.

Or maybe it is really this invisible thing that is ends up just being feelings and memories that builds in us because of how close we are with someone. Because what we hold with us makes a person that much more, to seem to have a value in our lives that they make this imprint on who we are.

I don’t even know what I just said. It just made sense in my head and that’s about it.