A little more into me. Still undefined.

I want to be an animator. But I don't have the skills. I wanted to be an accountant. As boring as it sounds I found the profession as useful as it is profitable but moving screwed that up and bad judgement. I want to go into architecture a little. Like it is a farfetched dream but to be able to remodel individual apartments in not so nice areas. Or to put it bluntly in the ghetto and the hood where a little something nice can really help brighten the dark days. I wish I hadn't gotten so depressed and looked to food for solace when I was little. Now it is hard to get the weight off and whenever I get depressed now I sleep. Just self-sabotage. Speaking of which I used to cut. Back in 2007 to 2008. I stopped when I got other friends who self-harmed. My support was stopping. I slipped up a few times... But I am not as bad as I once was... well. That is a lie. I have trust issues. Terrible. So, I don't have many friends.. actually where I am now I don't really consider myself to have any. The people around me make me angry mostly. So I have put my pain into cooking. Same as my first coping mechanism except I am trying the healthy long preparation recipes. Not junk food and dollar store snacks like last time. Boo-hoo for me. Anyways the real reason I dislike my weight now is because I am really falling in love with dance. But I'm too big to do it. Yes an excuse but also a reason. I watch So You Think You Can Dance and ever since Twitch showed up I've just been awe inspired by the dance genres. Mainly contemporary and hip-hop. Strange duo but I like them. This season I am rooting for Cyrus. He is just too cute to me. I want to go into web design as well. Mainly because I hate feeling like a noob every time I want to custom make a layout and I see code and go kindergarten pause at the computer screen. Plus someday I think it would help. Lots of old companies and such are trying to be modern and web pages (despite that thing I heard about there not being enough urls and such) are what they will PAY to have done for them. I am pretty creative even when I humble myself. I also want to someday reform the education of America. 26th?! Really? I don't like it. MTV needs to be shut down in my opinion and let VEVO take over. Yea I'm saying sell out and such. I'm sick of the condoning of high school pregnancy and drop out. Secret Life of the American Teenager. Yea Ricky is sexy. And why in the world is a college guy with a junior in high school. Just no in my opinion. Do better. Don't kill passion. I want America back up at the top because it for some reason has always been the bar that the rest of the world tries to raise up to. I also want to someday help Africa as well. Which is why I am hopeful to someday be into bio-engineering to help with contamination and setting up farming and such. I think it would help. I've got so many aspirations, high-hopes and dreams and I know I'll let them all fall if I have no support or don't believe in myself. I'm independent but I can really do with a hug or two every once in a while. Honestly I'm sweet caring and it takes alot to get me to judge anyone. But I can be condescending.. Hypocritical too. I love comedians. Cause laughter is a sign of good health. Maybe I'll try that.. but everyone knows girls aren't as funny as guys. Don't know what it is about a female voice speaking that just makes you brace for drama and babble. Oh yea.. Everything I just said/typed/wrote. Ha. So, get to know me but don't get attached. I don't want old dudes or little babies. I'm 17 so I'd prefer my age, maybe 16 and no older than 20. Just preferences but if you're really cool I'll bend my rules. Well that is a bit about me. Oh wait, most importantly. I flirt with guys and fake flirt with girls. I just have a sexy imagination. ( I do hate that somehow that has become a widespread phrase. I know I never owned it but I have been saying it for years, so I'm not stealing that from facebook and such.) Take care, live long and prosper, keep your chin up and all those other philosophies.
August 10th, 2012 at 08:37pm