Dear My Past Self,

I certainly have changed a lot in a little bit of time, huh. Now I'm a little more mature and I can recognize my faults in my past self. But does that mean I regret your existence, Old Me? Not in the slightest. Actually, more than anything, I'm glad you were there. I can't say I'm proud of you, but at least you existed. For that, I should thank you.

I really have grown up, old me. I wonder what you would do if you could see what you would grow up to be. Would you be proud of me? I think you would. Do you remember how pessimistic you always were? So full of bitter hatred, anger, sadness... You were always so unhappy. I can remember that, and I can remember why, too. But we don't really need to go over it again, do we? No, I'm sure you remember quite well....

Old Me, I wish you hadn't done some of the things you've done. Those scars you left on me... I can't forget them. Every time I look over my wrists or my thighs, I see little stamps you've left on my body. Little reminders of the hell we went through. I can't forget it, Old Me.

But do you know what? All that heartbreak you went through, all the pain, all the voices and all the anxiety, all the depression... That prepared me to be who I am today. You made me who I am, Old Me. You should be proud. I mean, look at me now! I'm not going to say I'm perfect. I'm still improving myself. And in 5 more years or so, I'm gonna write another letter, looking back on Present Me. Right now with my depression and my problems.

But Old Me, I remember something specifically. I remember how you always wanted to watch the world burn down around you. You had no faith or hope put into anything. You wanted to die, more than anything. If someone would just stab you, someone please hurt you...

But look at me now! Old Me, I'm way better than that. I've grown up. I'm helping myself so I can help other people. Remember how alone and confused you were? Well, now I'm going to use your/my experiences to help other people going through the same thing. I've opened my eyes and I've seen that life is beautiful. I have hope in the human race to become something bigger, something better.

Remember when you wanted so bad to throw everything away and give up? Well, I'm not going to stop until I make something of myself. I'm going to change this world. Just wait and see(:
August 13th, 2012 at 12:44am