Because of 50 Shades of Grey, I Feel a Need to Do This.... The Difference Between BDSM & Abuse | Disney Challenge Day 13

I am thinking of starting up those journals/blogs on BDSM that were used for educating people on the subject, but I'm not sure if anyone would be interested in me making those again. If anyone remembers them that is. But tell me if you are interested.

So, 50 Shades of Grey.... I'm sure we've all heard of the book by now even if we haven't read it and/or have no intentions to read it. Now, if you were hoping to see another user bashing the book, you've come to the wrong blog. I won't be bashing the book. In fact, I've never even read it and I will not be reading it probably. This blog isn't even really going to be discussing the book at all, it'll be surrounded around an element the book contains. 50 Shades is only being mentioned because it carries that element and is helping drag the subject out of the shadows. BDSM is still seen as 'taboo' and 'forbidden', it's hidden in the shadows with many looking down on the people who engage in the lifestyle. While I don't want a book like 50 Shades to be the "poster child" for our lifestyle, I cannot deny that it is helping drag BDSM out of the shadows.

However, that may not be a good thing. I have seen far to many 50 Shades readers attacking BDSM and the people who engage in it. Slurs of "insane" and "abusers" being thrown around at both submissives and dominants. Practitioners being called "mentally insane" for our fetishes. It's all just horrid some of the things I have heard 50 Shades readers say about this lifestyle and community. I have seen some of this abuse going around on Mibba and it really saddens me when I see it. Having not read the book, I don't know exactly what sort of BDSM is in it and I am not here to defend the BDSM within this book. I am here to defend the lifestyle and community as a whole. I have been told the BDSM is 50 Shades is portrayed very inaccurately so please, don't take that book as a decent and accurate display of this community.

Before I go on, perhaps I should explain my connection to this lifestyle. I am a part of it, I do hold the position of a "switch". Meaning I can comfortably play and enjoy both the roles of a dominant and submissive. However, I do mainly refer to myself as a submissive because I enjoy being a submissive more. Given the chance, I will most likely always choose to be a submissive. I am not a collared submissive, but I do have a wonderful girlfriend who has agreed to collar me when we move closer together. We're sort of in a long distance relationship right now.

If you were wondering, I am still technically a virgin. I have been intimate with people, but it's never escalated to what someone would constitute as sex. I have tested some of my pain limits but I haven't fully tested them. I haven't met someone I trust enough to help me with that and push me to my limits like that yet. Though I'm hoping to do that soon because I really do want to figure out my limits. I am an outspoken member of this community because I want to give it a better view and name than society currently has for it.

Now couples that practice BDSM are often walking a very thin line of legality, it's easy for someone to fall victim to abuse when being a practitioner of this lifestyle. However, there is one main (and very large) thing that separates BDSM and abuse. Consent. Every single aspect of BDSM must have consent behind it, it is one of the cores of this lifestyle. Nothing should ever happen in a scene that is not consented to. A dominant should never touch their submissive in a way that the submissive didn't consent to. People often are under the impression that a dominant is always in control, and I can understand how it would seem that way. But deep down, the submissive is the one who is really in control of the scene. The submissive is in control because nothing happens in a scene without their permission. A submissive also has the power to stop a scene at any point using what's known as a "safe word" or "code word". Most safe words are simple words like 'cake' or 'pie' because they are so simple and will be easy for the submissive to say if they are needed.

BDSM is fully consensual. Abuse is not. That is the number one difference between abuse and BDSM. Please don't call this lifestlye "abusive" because it's not. Any real practitioner of the lifestyle will stress safety and consent at all times whenever talking about the lifestyle, because both safety and consent are the two main cores of this lifestyle. Safe, sane, and consensual. Those are the three main cores and what everyone in this lifestyle or anyone thinking of joining it should remember at all times.

Furthermore, BDSM practitioners are not mentally ill. While it may be common for people to assume practitioners have been abused (mostly sexually) in their life, most psychologists have found that any past abuse is usually not connected with a person's interest in BSDM. I cannot speak for anyone else but myself. I am a submissive. I have thankfully never been sexually abused in my life. I have, however, been both physically and mentally abused though I don't think that has any connection to my interest in being a submissive in the bedroom. But perhaps I'm not the best example admittedly...

I don't know. I just felt the need to explain that BDSM isn't abusive because I have seen a few people on Mibba go on about how "abusive" BDSM is. It was bothering me. So there you have it. Feel free to ask me any questions, I'm happy to answer.

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Disney Challenge Day 13: Your Least Favorite Song
I don't honestly think I have one. I know that's not much of an answer but truthfully, I cannot think of a song from Disney that I truly and utterly dislike. This is, of course, not counting songs by Disney singers (people like Bridgit Mendler for example) because I could list a long list of songs I dislike by those artists. No, I'm talking about songs for movies like Bambi and whatnot. I hope you all know what I'm trying to say.

But there's Day 13 for you.