*prepare yourself for some serious reading and please give me your thoughts.
So, there's this guy, and it's always a guy, isn't it? A guy that just screws up everything. He screws up what lines you thought you would never cross; he screws up decisions already made; he just... freaking screws everything up. So, now that mini-rant's been said...
I like this guy, and I don't even really feel like censoring his name, so you'll get the truth from me for once. I like Austin. I like the way he smells, how comfortable I am with him, how we can text all day and never run out of things to say, and how if we do, we just make faces at each other, and I like so many other things about him... but Mibba, here's the catch: my friend likes him too and he likes her.
My friend told me she liked him a couple of weeks ago, but that she didn't really feel "sparks" with him. That's literally the word she used, sparks. *eye roll* And that kind of stirred up something in me... That I liked him. I didn't tell her though, how could I? I barely knew what I was feeling right then and there, plus, being at a sleepover at the time, with feelings I couldn't share, didn't help. But now I do know how I feel and have known for awhile.
He likes her though.
He told me that he's going to ask her out after he comes back from his Disneyland trip, and if a guy likes you, he doesn't tell you about his plans to ask another girl out, right? But it doesn't help that I encouraged it. I also gave off friend vibes. Like, "oh, you're such a great friend!" yeah, I just suck. Seriously.
I don't know. He asked me who I liked. Right in the middle of a conversation. It's not like it was just to keep talking, it was a serious wonder in his mind. I had a chance to tell him, but I couldn't. She may be all wrong for him, but I can't hurt my friend. Plus, it would just confuse Austin. Any way I spin it, someone gets hurt. And telling him that I didn't like anyone at the moment hurt like nothing I'd felt before.
I lied to him, I hurt my heart, but protected my friend from this situation that could've ended terrible. If I did tell him, he could've chosen me over her, which basically guarantees the loss of a friend, or he could've gone with her, which would've hurt me more than not telling him. Or, he could've gone for her, and then came back to me as a second choice, which is something I refuse to be.
So, I will try ignore the wonderfully, cute day we had in the park yesterday, the fact that he has a super comfortable back, how we always seem to be doing/thinking the same thing, and have I mentioned how comfortable I am with him? I am not comfortable with most guys, but I am with him. It was honestly one of the best days of my whole entire summer.
He said I had soft hair too. :3
Want to know the game plan? I'm going to continue being Austin's friend and see what happens with him and my friend. Let fate do its thing. If they start dating, good for them. It could hurt, but it's a consequence of my actions. And if it somehow turns out that he realizes she's not right for him, yay for me and she'll get a Notebook marathon/ice cream weekend sleepover.
Hopefully, fate will be kind.
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? :/
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