19 - something I'd like to say to an ex

Well, first off, I'd like to say that I really did like you - as a friend. You are a really funny person, and you knew how to make me smile when I was having a bad day. I liked how you didn't shy away from sharing your beliefs with other people, but I really didn't like it when it bordered on ignorance.

You were one of my best friends, though. I enjoyed talking to you and spending time with you at school, but there just weren't any romantic feelings there.

After everything happened with him, you were there for me. You cheered me up and told me how I was better off, and didn't need him in my life, and we got closer. I started getting a lot of pressure from my parents to start dating (this was when they hated me being gay and wanted me to try something with a guy, maybe not in those words but I knew it was what they were thinking) and you were just....there. I kind of knew you liked me and I felt bad because it was as if I was leading you on some sort of wild goose chase without meaning to.

Every person I get close to wants to date me after awhile, and I don't even try that with people.

But you were a really sweet guy. You never tried to kiss me or anything, and you weren't possessive in any way.

The three months we were "together" (and I chose that punctuation because really, we never saw each other, and when we did I never wanted to touch you, and you didn't want to touch me) were alright enough.

I got really pissed off at you towards the end. All we ever did was fight and really, it was because I was looking for an excuse to break up with you. I just couldn't keep lying anymore. But, when we were just friends, I told you that I had only ever been with girls, and you were fine with it. But the second we started "Dating" it became this huge fucking problem and I think it somehow made you all insecure or something. That's why we broke up, because you had started saying homophobic things around me and that is NOT cool. Plus, you had a penis and obviously that is a huge issue.

I guess I want to apologize for using you. But you used me too. I'm like 95% sure that you're struggling with finding yourself and accepting who you really are, if you get my drift here. I'm pretty sure that...well, you're that way too. I hope that you find happiness and I'm sorry things ended that way. Sometimes I miss being friends with you, but I know things are much better this way. Good luck, ginger kid!