I Didn't Know It Would Hurt This Much. I'm Heartbroken.

As some of you might know (since I've talked about it on here from time to time), I work -- errhh -- worked at a Christian school at my church. I worked there from the beginning, when they opened in 2009. I trained for a few weeks, learning how the curriculum worked and I helped get things set up.

I worked my butt off at that school. I stayed with it through thick and thin, showing up on days when I hadn't been able to sleep in days, on days when I was cramping like a mofo, on days when I was so sick I literally lost my voice and had to force myself to whisper to help the students with their work. I stayed even when I was doing the job of two people and getting less than minimum wage for my efforts. I stayed when a student was allowed to get away with calling me a bitch, when I got lectured by my boss for sh*t I didn't do because kids are liars, when parents blamed me for their kids acting up, when I had to teach kids with ADHD whose parents refused to medicate them, etc., on and on and on.

There were days I wanted to rip my hair out and scream. One day I got so stressed out that I got chest cramps and couldn't breathe; we had some really, really difficult children, and there was always drama.

It wasn't a job I intended to keep forever, but it was one that, despite all its many nuances, I loved and was proud of. It was something that was mine and I was working in God's House, which was wonderful.

So after all I dealt with, how do they repay me?

THEY "REPLACED" ME OVER THE SUMMER.

I had text my boss (aka my pastor's wife) a while back, asking her about this school year. She never replied. Come to find out, they already have everybody they need this year. I know she realizes how she screwed me over; she didn't even have the courage to tell me this. Even through a text message.

It physically and emotionally hurt when I found out. I don't really cry all that often, but I did then, and I still feel like it from time to time. After all that I did, after how much they claimed to love me and tell me how "wonderful" I am and how much they "appreciate" me, this is how they repay me. I just feel. . . betrayed.

I miss it so much already. Those kids, I loved them and they (well, most of them) loved me, considered me their favorite teacher.

Now it's just. . . gone, and I don't know what to do.

[ps, the blog layout I was using disappeared. wtf.]
August 25th, 2012 at 10:22pm