Dying On The Inside

Have you ever been paranoid that everyone is talking about you, judging you even when they do know you? Every time you hear someone laugh, you can help but wonder if it’s because of you? You hear someone whisper and wonder if they are saying something about you? Not knowing where you fit or whom you can talk to because you don’t want to sound crazy, or attention deprived, you don’t want to come across as an attention seeker?

You sit in the background and avoid conflict because you don’t want to loose that that you care about, you don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset them, you choose your words carefully and try to keep in the shadows or on the sidelines just in case you say something that could turn your world on it’s head. To scared to speak your mind because the thought of loosing the ones you trust it too much to care, too hard to imagine your life without.

You only speak about what’s going on at home or in the rest of your life if your asked so you don’t sound whiny or weak, you try to help everyone one else because it keeps your mind off your own problems or because you know how they feel and you don’t want them to go through it. You hide emotions; you don’t show when you’re hurt because you don’t want to know they succeeded at their task.

You don’t let anyone see you cry; you bottle it all up and hide it when you can. When people asked you if you’re okay you lie because you don’t want to bring their mood down because of you. You wait until no one is around or there is too much noise out side your room for anyone to hear you cry.

It’s hard feeling alone when you are surrounded but people who care, and who would help if you let them, but you are too worried about their opinion of you changing that you keep it hidden, don’t show you’re hurting.