8/27/12

I'm not quite sure what I'm doing.I guess I'm starting a blog.
My name is Jay(Well,it's not,but that's what you can call me)and this is,kind of,my story.I'm not starting from the beginning.I'm starting from right here,the middle,and I guess you'll figure it out as you go along.

Today was horrible.K was crying pretty much all day at school(but she's so pretty when she cries).She thinks she's some sort of monster and she isn't.She's perfect.I feel like I'm just annoying T to no end.I've known this girl for my entire life and now it feels like I can't be myself around her.She's so perfect and I'm so not and if she notices she'll leave.L is...I don't know.I can't read her.She's got a girlfriend,and of course I've been teasing her about it,but at the same time I'm so insanely jealous.Everyone but me.

I haven't cut for a while,although I've been feeling the need to.Maybe tonight.Of course that's another thing I'll have to lie to the psychiatrist about.And the therapist.And my friends.There is literally nobody I can tell about the cuts.They all think I've stopped...but there's no way I can.

I haven't binged for a while either(or purged,for that matter).I guess that's a good thing.I'm still a fat fuck though.I can't believe it's been almost two years of bulimia and I haven't lost any weight.That's what happens when you can't do anything I guess.Eventually you can't even puke right.I guess that was a lie though.I lost about 20 pounds a while ago but I gained it all back.I need this back and forth to stop.I either need to gain the weight or lose it.

On the bright side(ha)I got 35 dollars worth of birthday money from my aunt in Las Vegas.I'm probably going to blow it all on useless band merch,but hey.Can you blame me?

Jay.