That’s what everyone wants right, a purpose?

I don’t think the floor has ever been as cold it was that night. The lights seemed brighter and every noise seemed louder. I had deiced that I had endured enough. I’d tried for so long to find a reason to fight on but I came up with nothing. I tried to reach out for help but the only thing I heard was “Your Crazy!” or “You’re selfish for even thinking that!” So, I decide if no one cared enough to stop me then I had no reason to not kill myself. Sure it may seem selfish but being selfish is part of human nature. I knew that with me gone they’d all be better off. I think the hardest thing I’ve ever done was building up the courage to put the gun to my head. I never got enough to pull the trigger, obviously. I was so ready for death at that point and I still don’t know what stopped me that night. But that’s why I keep living in hopes that one day I’ll know. Fuck, who knows maybe I didn’t pull the trigger because I’m a fucking pussy but I’d like to think it’s because I’m supposed to be here right now. That’s what everyone wants right, a purpose?