I hate high school.

High school-it's supposed to be the best/worst four years of your life.

In the small town I live in, academically, high school starts at 9th grade as a freshman. Socially, high school starts at 10th grade, as a sophomore. This is because our high school is not large enough to hold all of our students. The freshmen go to school at the junior high, with the eighth graders.

I am now a sophomore in high school.

Freshman year was amazing; we were the oldest, so naturally we knew where everything was, how things were done, etc. We were leaders instead of followers and most of all, because we were older we were cool. I was in all of the plays the drama department did-I was on top of the world. I had great friends.

Had. Was. Were.

Now at the high school things are completely different. I've somehow failed to integrate into the student body, I can't find where I fit in. You have no idea how hard it is to find a way into a group that's already been formed.

My friends from all of the years before? We're still friends. But here's the problem, they're all doing things with people I don't know, who don't know me. They get invited to things and I get to sit at home. Reading this back, I sound whiny; I most likely am. I'm sure I could get invited to these things if I really worked hard.

Part of my problem is that the upperclassmen-minus a few individuals-treat me like a child, naive and innocent-stupid. One person in particular loves when I don't know what something means; a hand gesture, an acronym, etc. I asked why he pretends to hate me-he said it's fun.

I think he's an ass hole.

The worst part is that my best friend since third grade is becoming good friends with him and another girl. They go places with each other after school, carpool before school; I get left out. Today they my friend and the boy kept mentioning 'DTF'. I had no earthly idea what that meant. For those of you who are as clueless as I'm finding out I am, 'DTF' means 'Down To Fuck?'. I admit, I asked for this by asking what it meant, but still what the fuck?? The boy wouldn't tell me, so I asked my friend. She said she wasn't going to tell me because it got funnier the longer I didn't know.

What the fucking hell? Aren't best friends supposed to fill each other in on these things-if they know-so people won't laugh at them? Aren't best friends not supposed to think it's hilarious when the other is left in the dark and is looking like an idiot? I thought so, but I guess not.

Maybe, and this is just a hunch, but maybe she doesn't feel like my best friend anymore. She's stopped really telling me things anyway. This past month or so it's like she's completely abandoned me.

So far, sophomore year is awful. I had two really good friends-one doesn't talk to me much because he wanted to date me and I didn't want to date him; the other has found friends that she likes better. I just want to get high school over with.