Fat Issues

So, I recently lost seven pounds. Me thinking this is quite a bit of a change, I thought 'Mmmm, maybe I'm skinny enough to do whatever' yeah right.

I had my very first waterfall style swimsuit photoshoot, and I was really happy during the shoot, and I was very excited because I thought I looked good and I felt good. Well....

Come to find out AFTER the shoot, the photographer told me I was fat, that I need to do this and that. Currently I went from 117 to 110 I was so stoked. Well I guess it's not good enough. I noticed in almost all of my pictures that stupid thing that people call "The ferret" and I died on the inside.

I'm trying to lose weight for myself, and for my boyfriend. I know thats stupid but, I want him to think I'm sexy too, most of this is just for myself but, I can't help but get very discouraged when I saw those pictures. Every picture I see of myself from a few months ago I'm just disgusted with myself, but I see myself now and I'm happy with it, I've noticed SO many dramatic changes, but obviously I'm still fat.

I don't know.

I'm really hurt, and upset over this because I've been a little pudgy or chunky my whole life and now that I care a WHOLE lot I'm scared it's never going to go away and that I'm always going to be completely unhappy. I don't want to be unhappy with myself.

See, I work out every other day, and I only drink water. It's been twelve days since I've had a Mountain Dew (which is my addiction to soda) and I'm doing fine, I drink SO much water a day. I don't know....nothing seems to be working for me and I'm just upset.