You Won't Even Read This

This will be the last thing I write about you on here. You say all you want is for me to want you. You know how fucking selfish it is to go and pretend you miss me, post 'discrete' things about me, blah blah, when YOU don't even want me. 1. You have a boyfriend 2. When you dumped me you actually said you didn't want me anymore, remember that? So really all you want now is for me to sit here and continue to cry over you and stay hopeful one day you'll come back, yet that's not even what you want. How can you want me to be miserable? And how can you sit there and make it worse by getting my hopes up and then fucking crushing them again? I don't even know WHY I still fucking care I mean do you know how many people have told me that what you're doing is fair? That it's understandable to run away just for the acceptance of people who eventually will be over this "gay thing" and will find something else they find unacceptable and will want to change? That you made promise after promise and over a period of a month broke them all and don't care? That you suddenly claim this is for your god (excuse you for thinking God frowns upon homosexuality and excuse you for letting them brainwash you into that bullshit)? That you say you need to move on but just don't want ME to? That anything you're doing right now to get my hopes up is fair? That you can say you hate me but I can't say that about you because you think I have no rightful reason? That you went from being lesbian to straight and I find out just how many guys you're actually suddenly attracted to? And a LOT MORE? None. No one I've confided in has said anything you've done is logical. And don't you dare fucking say "you have no idea what I am doing this all for" because yeah I fucking do and guess what? It WON'T WORK. You think it will fix everything and your life will be how you want it but seriously can you be so dull as to think that plan isn't going to fucking bite you in the ass? Everything you've done has been selfish and hurtful and you don't care yet I read every word you said and I know that all you want is for me to chase you yet you know nothing will happen. So really you can't call me anything just because I am TRYING to move on and you're upset that I won't chase after you knowing you won't ever care.