Feelings Lately

Okay, so this is my first post here on the new Mibba Blogs section. I believe I'll be using it as more of a journal type of deal where I post more personal feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. So I can not feel like I'm about to blow up all the time. I just hope it lasts, because most of the time I just give up on internet journals/blogs. Anyhow, some things things that have CONSTANTLY been on my mind lately are:

-The fact that I have no boyfriend. I swear it's all I think about. I feel like the biggest loser in the world, especially seeing all theses people around me with significant others and I'm just sitting there without one. It sucks majorly. It also doesn't help when having one becomes the topic of conversation. I just nod my head and smile.

At this point, at the age of eighteen, I have literally given up hope of finding one. I mean, really. I'm sure the fact that most all of my friends are females, I'm a total introvert, and that I'm not all that pretty has something to do with it. But still, can't I get a little love too? I want someone.

What really makes me jealous is seeing these really ugly girls with horrible attitudes with boyfriends. I just want to stab a knife through both of their chests, then go jump a really tall building or something.

-Females. Not sure why, but yeah. It's not in a 'I want to have sex with you' type of way, it's more like 'I want to see what it would be like to be in a relationship with you' type of way. I think this stems from the fact that I've never had a boyfriend so now I'm like well girls are the next best thing. I don't know. But I'm pretty sure.

-School and the fact that I feel like an idiot in a sea of very smart people. It takes me forever to get to know something in class. I literally have to spend hours and hours taking notes and studying to even begin to understand a subject. For everyone else around me it seems like they get it in a snap. While I'm just sitting there with a dumb look on my face like what in the world was just said. I know that this is my own fault. I should really put more effort and time into studying. But with the college scene and trying to become more social it's been rough.

So, that's about it.