Love is watching someone die.

If you've ever listened to Death Cab For A Cutie's "What Sarah Says." Then you know where I've got my title from.

I think those lyrics are painfully true. When you watch someone die, instead of looking away, it does show how much you care for them and love them. Cause I believe as hard and painful as it is to watch someone die,if you don't you'll feel regret for spending those last moments with them.
Also if you're watching them die slowly, you're showing your love by not abandoning them, and staying with them.

Now this late night, or early morning (what ever you want to call it), ramble is inspired by my sister and those lyrics. My older sister C, was an amazing bright girl before drugs took over her life. She was a month away from graduating but dropped out for a GED, and that was just the beginning. The first time I noticed how bad she was falling was when I saw her overdose on Ecstasy.

Now her addiction has gotten bad. I fear that she's at rock bottom and is falling deeper, or she's close to rock-bottom. She shoots up, some drug I don't know what, she lives in a garage like building, and is always so messed up when I see her, or she's dope-sick. She's gotten Hep C, and it didn't stop her or wake her up. Now I think her liver is starting to have more damage and is making her sicker. She thinks its's diabetes, but I think it's just her Hep C getting worse.

I hate watching her kill herself slowly like this, but I can't abandon her. All I can do is be there, love her, and just watch. I've tried talking to her about getting clean, but she always changes the subject. I just hate seeing the girl that was so full of life, so smart, and healthy girl that I grew up with turn into this person that is falling a down-spiral and just keeps falling deeper.

She's not a bad person, she's just making very bad choices. I know if she truly wanted to and really tried, she could get clean, and get better. But she doesn't seem to want to. I just wish her life could be better for her. But she's my sister, and she's been there for me, and know I guess it's time for me to return the favor and be there for her. Even if it is watching her slowly kill herself. She's my sister and I love her, and I can't look away or abandon her.