The only thing everyone has been suggesting when trying to help me is "go to church", "god loves you", "god has a plan for you", "jesus can help you if you let him"... ugh. Shut up, I don't need to hear you ramble about jesus. That is not what I need.
The only thing that would make it better is if I could travel back in time to about a year ago and stay in that moment forever. The pain of knowing that I'll never get back to that wonderful and perfect time is terrible. If I had a time machine I would go back and relive the whole thing. That was the year I fell so, SO in love with you.
I feel like I've been betrayed by some unknown entity (I don't know if it's god for sure). Everything is all wrong. I've never wanted to die so much in my entire life. I really don't know how I'm going to get through this. I literally have no one. And on top of that, I can't even speak to the person that means the most to me because he doesn't want me anymore.
If there is a god, I don't understand why he can't just put me out of my misery. Please just let me fall asleep and not wake up. I've already tried suicide, and when I was found out I was shamed by my family and told I was selfish. So can you just kill me now, make it look like an accident? After all the almighty and powerful things you are capable of, you can't just do me this one favor and get rid of me? What is the point in giving someone so much, and then taking it all away? Is that supposed to be a "lesson", or is it supposed to be funny?
If there is a god, he's not merciful and he's not loving. When people say that I feel like I'm hearing a cruel joke. So what, is this supposed to be part of some divine plan set forth for me? Does everythiing happen for a reason? What a horrible plan. If there is a god, he needs to come up with a new one because this one sucks.
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