Last Week In Marching Band

Marching band is one of the most stressful things I have ever done yet it is fun at the same time. Everyone is supposed to arrive at 6:40 PM to get ready. I don’t have much to do because I’m in the pit. The pit is the group of people that stand in front and play the percussion instruments that can’t move around on the field. So while the rest of the band gets ready, I eagerly await my boyfriend, Vincent, to show up (He doesn’t go to MPHS so it’s nice to finally see him after my long day). He’s the only reason I really enjoy marching band. When I see him walk through the door my heart skips a beat. He smiles at me and after he is ready to play, he sits in the seat next to me so we can catch up about how our day at school was. At 7:00 it’s time to get on the field. My job (with the help of a few others) is to bring the heavy carts with all the percussion instruments down to the soccer field. It’s a pain in the neck. We first have to bungie everything to the cart. Then we have to haul the heavy carts down a steep hill and hope everything doesn’t fall off and break. Once we are finally down at the field, it’s time to play. This is where the stress comes in. I’m only part of the pit because I wanted to help out Mr. Marks. I absolutely hate it. I’m not a very confident person when I play and I’m always so afraid of messing up. Everyone can tell if I mess up. Justin raises his hands and yells “set!” to tell us it’s time to play. The band begins to play the first song. I actually know the first and second songs so I don’t usually panic but I still play as quiet as possible so that of I mess up people can’t hear me. In the first song, I have to hit the gong. The gong is a very loud instrument so it scares me to play it so like everything else, I lightly hit it so the sound is fairly quiet. Then we begin the third song and the stress kicks in. I don’t know the third song all that well and I try my hardest to play it right but can never succeed. I get discouraged and start thinking about how much of a failure I am for not being able to play simple music. To make matters worse, I was so busy getting upset that I got lost in the music. I start to panic. Where is the band in the music? What should I be playing? I pick up a random instrument and pretend that I’m in the middle of a rest. Of course, this gets me even more discouraged. To make matters worse, I remember that Vincent is there. What if he hears my mistakes? What if he thinks I’m stupid or something for not being able to play? My logical mind tells me this is ridiculous but I’m too busy panicking to think logically. And then I remember that there’s a competition on Saturday. I need to have my music that I don’t know how to play memorized by Saturday. Negative thoughts swirling through my head, I start to panic. Tears stream down my face and I start to hyperventilate. More negative thoughts start to fester in my mind. Mr. Marks is busy with the band so he doesn’t notice. My hyperventilating gets worse and I get dizzy. My focus goes in and out and everything grows brighter. I can feel the air filling up my head. I sway back and forth. I stand up to tell Mr. Peters that I don’t feel well and almost collapse. Miss. Mattway comes over to try and calm me down. It’s too late. I’m too far gone. Then, I get that “uh oh” moment and black out. I come back to voices calling out my name. When I open my eyes Mr. Marks asks me to talk and I just cry. I think about how embarrassing that was but then I remember that no one actually knows why I passed out. Still lying on the ground, I turn my head to the right and see Vincent with a worried face on. I manage to smile through my tears. I wish he could come over to comfort me but he’s not allowed to leave the field. My mom came over instead. She asks me if I want to go home but I say no because I want to practice my music. I lied. I really just wanted to be able to say goodbye to Vincent at the end of the practice. I sit and drink water for another 15 minutes as I regain my strength. When I finally feel I can stand, I start to play again. I’m now too tired to be stressed out and I just play what I can. I’m so relieved when my watch says 8:50. Mr. Marks announces that it’s time to clean up. I now have to haul the carts all the way back up the hill into the prop room. When I finish with that I plop down into a seat next to Vincent and he gives me a big hug. He smiles at me and says things to try and make me laugh. He tells me not to worry and that I’ll eventually get it down. All I want is for him to hold me for a while. That would make me feel so much better. Justin and Nate make final announcements and it’s time to go home. Before I leave I go to Mr. Marks to apologize. I always feel the need to apologize. I don’t want to be “the problem child”. He tells me that I don’t stress him out and that everything is going to be fine. He even says he can give me a cheat sheet to look at during the performance on Saturday. I leave his office and wait for my mom with Vincent. I give Vincent a kiss goodbye as my mom pulls up to bring me home. When I get home, I go right to bed for some much needed sleep.