Being A Ignored Guide Leader

Once a week during the school term I take an hour and half of my day to volunteer and be a Girl Guide leader. I’ve being doing this now for about three/four years and I enjoy every minute of it. I get along great with each of the girls who are in my care and I enjoy watching them grow into confident, strong woman.

Although lately its being stressful and its came to the point where I want to stop doing it.

I’ll explain…

Last year some time, the leader I was working with decided to stop being a leader because it was too much work to handle with her busy schedule. Which is true, being a leader is hard work. You’re practically a teacher (without the shitty pay) planning the nights and activities that the girls will do along with making sure they’re all in line and are treated fairly. It’s hard work but its fun and rewarding.

So another leader, who’s been in Guides for a long time decided to step in as the key leader in charge for the age group I help run. Since then my role as leader seems like it has been pushed back.

I used to do a lot of things in Guides such as handling money, running games and even nights along with getting involved with parents. Yes some of these things don’t run smoothly as I would like but I used to feel involved and like I was doing something. Also the past leader used to ask me how I was feeling and would encourage me to get more involved with our Unit as a whole.

This new (but old) leader kinda doesn’t do this.

I don’t feel comfortable talking to her most of the time and I feel like I’m a massive burden and annoyise to her. When I ask if there’s anything I can do she pushes me away to practically doing the odd jobs like getting things ready, which is helpful in the long run but its like I’m pushed into the background. When I do run nights it feels like she’s glaring in the corner at me and I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and that’s when some of these nights turn to shit.

And when I am there, she pushes me away to talk to the other new leader who is near in age to her. This new leader and I get along great and she can tell when I get frustrated and when I’m getting pushed into a corner. She even says things to this leader about what I can do which feels like it makes her suddenly realise I’m there and will give me a job to do.

Because that’s how I feel, like some leader who’s there to do sit in the corner until she’s needed. I don’t want to do that, I like talking to the girls and to the parents but she doesn’t give me that chance. And even when I do run nights it still feels like I’m some three year old reaching for the lollies on the top self, I can’t get it.

Some part of me thinks its because I’m not a qualified leader as of yet, which to her may mean I’m useless. But I AM getting my qualifications and I am working towards being a better leader. Maybe not at the rate this leader would like but it doesn’t give this leader the nerve to push me away.

I was pushed away two nights ago at our annual camp-fire night, the night three girls were making their promise. Usually in promise ceremonies, the leaders stand infront of the girls as they recite their promise to, “Do their best, serve the community and their country, to develop their beliefs..” etc etc. At this point, another leader for the older girls….

Took. My. Place.

I was outraged and extremely upset. Even the girls who were around me asked me why I wasn’t up there and that brought me to silent tears.

Why the hell wasn’t I up there?! Didn’t the leader see me?! Because I was sure she did see me!

Doing your promise as Girl Guide/ Girl Scout/ Scout is a pretty important and I personally think it’s a special time. You’re making a promise and a commitment to be a better person in the community and to yourself. And I wasn’t there up the front to join them in this.

I contemplated going up there in the middle of the ceremony to be there but it’s kinda like walking onto a Police Parade ground when there’s no ceremony going on or you’re not a cop. It’s not right and its frowned upon greatly.

Anyway, after the girls finished their promises it was time for the girls to go home. THAT’S when the leader saw me and just practically shrugged like it was no big deal that I was pushed away.

Honestly I don’t want this to happen any more and like I’ve said, I am over it. I want to say something to her but at the same time I don’t want to start an argument with this woman. She is a nice and does (I believe) truly wants to help me but the way she’s treating me, doesn’t seem like it.