Wokka Wokka

I'm back up on my feet but I'm barely standing.
I struggle daily wondering if I'm completely and utterly talentless in this world. Everything I know and see is so mediocre. The world is a bleak Hell and we're all zombies. I can't imagine how things could get better with such a lack of motivation. But yet I am so very motivated. So many things are out of my reach. I'm stuck in the past and have no idea how to let any of it go. My brain tugs and pulls back and forth, thought after thought. I can't make sense of it all half the time. I'd love to be the change I wish to see in the world, but I don't know how. My life seems like it's been put on hold. I'm not even waiting for anything, I'm just stuck in a constant. There are elements in the world that are somehow dragging me up and down. Maybe I'm insane? or perhaps just don't know how to use the tools that can create something wonderful. There is so much beauty and positivity in a world covered with hate and ugliness. Every peaceful measurement I take to improve is cut short. I'm a government controlled substance, a science experiment.

Okay I'm done ahaha. I suck at writing but I love it oh so much. I just can't stay on one topic for more than 10 minutes and that sucks. I need to go to school and study how these excellent writers stay the fuck on topic! You can't write a book that goes from one thought to another, can you? Would anyone read that crap? I don't know if I would. I bought two books by Ayn Rand and I'm going to read The Anthem in a few minutes. I'm excited. I really need to write a lot more often, but I'm not motivated at all. I need to get my license and my GED and so many more things but jesus christ where does this motivation come from? I know I know, you have to want it so bad that you actually get off your ass and try to get it. I am trying to do some self discovery shit and find it but it's just not happening very fast. I guess I'm kind of rebuilding myself in a sense. I've had to keep back tracking for almost a fucking year and in the midst, have lost myself and all of my motivation to succeed in the things that I need and desperately want to do. I have no fucking faith in myself, so I'm working on that as well.

By god, I'm going to be in a fucking classroom next year, in a mother fucking writing class. I'm also going to drive there in my car with a valid license, because ya know I'll have a car and that too. You just watch and see. Fuck 2012 is almost over. Whatever. Before 2014 I WILL fucking have a GED and a goddamn bitch License. I'm not getting any younger and it needs to happen.
*bitchslapkick* MO-TI-VATE.

MOTIVATION.
I'LL BE YO MOTIVATIONNNN (Kelly Rowland)
Okay enough.