What's wrong with me?

I've been feeling so frustrated lately. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I feel like I'm stuck on a hamster wheel, especially with my writing. I keep going and going, and nothing makes sense. My insomnia and depression is creeping up on me. I'm feeling how I felt when my dad died.
My mom is too busy to notice, and I don't blame her. My mom works hard, still trying to give me the world. I feel like I have enough, but I want more and I think it's the fact that I miss my dad. I miss something.
Money, things, material things, can't fill this hole I have. I'm not striving how I thought I would be once I had graduated high school. I want to go back to Chicago; visit my dad's grave, and tell him everything.
I feel like I've let him down. I haven't started to comic like I promised and it's driving me crazy. How do you make a dead man proud?
Most of the time I wish I was dead with him. I miss him so much.
I feel useless and tired. I think I've given up on life. I don't have much that's making me feel better.

And, with most of my stories ending, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm literally scared I won't be able to come up with a worthy story. If I can't write, what the hell else am I suppose to do. Maybe I need a break? I don't know, I barely make sense of myself.

alison santiago