Struggling

I started working on my college applications last month, but I haven't touched them since. I don't manage stress well and my reaction to it is to pop a vyvanse. But vyvanse has gone to shit basically because my tolerance has gone up. It's gotten to the point where it lasts for six hours and I end up feeling drowsy/sedated the last three/four of those hours. I know it means I should get a bigger dose, but I honestly don't want to.

So I'm taking a two-week break from vyvanse to lower my tolerance and hopefully it will be restored to its former glory. And my mom wants me to stop taking them for a while because she thinks I'm getting addicted. Like, no.

But honestly, I find it hard to be motivated to do anything without it. I feel slow and dumb and I just don't want to do anything at all. Everything I do is half-assed because I could give a shit about school right now. I don't even want to look at my college application because it just stresses me and makes me feel sad for some reason. I obviously have an avoider personality.

I haven't written in ages either. Again, no motivation or creativity. I'm sorry to the readers of "Wonderwall", I just can't bang out another chapter because there are no creative juices flowing here ugh.

Sorry, this was just a whiny rant. Have a nice day guys.
September 26th, 2012 at 06:27pm