But you don't know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night. scaring the thought of kissing razors. (Vent)

Personal(Don't care don't read)

I can't do this anymore. The staying strong part. Not cutting. Not trying to toss up my food. Today my best friend saw my right arm. She force me to talk it out but I wouldn't talk for 3 hours. She shove a notebook in my hand and tells me to write. I did. I told here that it's the same shit. Not feeling wanted. Being called fat, ugly, and a waste since the 3rd grade and at the fact I still get called it till this day. Now, she cuts too. Been friends with her last year. Last year we was better than this. We didn't do as much self harm and tears.

Now she's a senior and I'm a Junior. She's about to leave high school and I'm freaking out cause what am I going to do without her? When I'm down or depress again like i am now? I need her to keep me sane and not killing myself over. She's the only one that understands me that lives in the same city that I know of. She tells me she's going to the Air Force as her career. She's leaving leaving around 2015..And I don't know anymore. This years has been nothing but tears and more and more self harm.

We're both a mess. We both increase the amount of cuts we do. She said in the paper that she cries for me. Feels bad that I do this to myself and that hurt me. She cries for me? I never EVER had a friend that cared for me like that. Now I'm here crying for her, my feelings, hers. She tells me how she is scared to go to the Air Force cause when she makes a friend, she would be separated the next week.She's not good with making friends like I am.

She doesn't like being around a group of new people either. Nothing but the words sorrys and trying has been wrote out. But I told her that when she does go, she betta write me every fucking day. I would write back but I can't help but to cry. I've cause her so much pain that what she has. She has to deal with her family, boyfriend problems, and other shit and I'm just adding on. No one ever worries for me like she does. Me feeling this way is making me want to break again but gave my other friend my 2 blades, one was brand new.

I can't hurt her no more and by doing that I can't hurt myself. She understands me when I say it's hard to stop cause she's trying to stop herself. But baby, I'm trying, I'm trying my hardest and I need her to do the same. We need to do a lot of changing It's going to be hard but together, we can work this out.

Promise. <3
(Title: Stay Away From My Friends-PTV)