Can Someone Give Me Constructive Criticism?

Poetry is not my strong point, and I'd like to change that. I want to become better at it for my own benefit, and so that I feel good enough t join my schools "Spoken Word" movement. I'm not exactly sure what it's called, but it's basically a group of kids competing in the Get-Li program of Los Angeles. It's a big competition, and it looks so much fun. You need to audition and if you're good enough, they'll pick you.
Ever since I've heard about it I wanted to join. But last year I didn't really try to get better with poetry, but this year I am.

I just submitted two poems titled The Limit and Oversized Sweater. Please, if it's not too much to ask, could you click one of the two (or both) and read them? Tell me what I did wrong, how I can do better, and if you liked anything about it. Supply some constructive criticism.

If you want you can comment with a short story or poem you'd like me to check out in return; that's completely fine with me. We'd be helping each other out, right?

Anyways. Thank you for reading, and have a nice day!
September 30th, 2012 at 12:45am