oh well, oh well.

sigh. do you ever feel like your life is just falling apart?
well obviously. so you know the feeling.
my life has been falling apart pretty consistently for the past year. i got kicked out of school, lied about, lost my best friend, got her back, lost my boyfriend, lost my best friend again, got my boyfriend back, lost my boyfriend again, got my best friend back, met somebody who had become my reason for breathing, lost my best friend, and started talking to my ex again...who wants to get back with me although i do not feel the same. all while my home life has been on a downward spiral. add being used and betrayed several thousand times in and you've got a pretty accurate summary of the last twelve months. and now my reason for breathing won't stop talking about killing himself and while i know he won't actually do it, it's still scary as fuck.

and to top it all off, my damn phone stopped working today. just the icing on the fucking cake.

if i can't go to monster outbreak, i'm probably going to cry. honestly, shows are the only thing that make me feel okay anymore. last time i can honestly say i was happy was when i was at rock allegiance, crying during seether and bashing my head off the railing during three days grace. time before that? ...warped tour. being barricade for yellowcard, falling in reverse, and of mice & men, meeting derek and brooks from one of the bands that has saved my life, mayday parade, and hugging levi benton from miss may i. can it be july 18th again?

or, ya know what, can things just go back to the way they used to be?

when i had my best fucking friend, when my biggest worry was trying to get my math homework done, when i could wear ripped jeans and shorts and not worry about the faded pink lines showing...

oh well, oh well, i still hope for the best.