It's not just me though. Sure I have money problems and marital problems, but mostly I'm stressing out because my family is falling apart. My parents are losing their house. They have to move out within the next month but they can't find a new place because neither of them has a job. My little brother had brain surgery a week ago and has to have brain surgery again in 2 weeks so my mom has been staying at the hospital with him 24/7. My dad can't find work anywhere. He's been putting apps in everywhere but no one is hiring. I'm scared for them. I wish my parents and my brother could come stay with me but all my brother's doctors are in MO. I didn't realize it was this bad for them until recently.
Besides my family's problems I have my own. My back has been giving me problems lately. It spasms out sometimes when I bend down and I have to sit down immediately. If I'm not near a chair then I have to stay hunched over until the pain subsides. Then I've been having manic episodes a lot lately. I know it's because I haven't been to therapy since June but I can't go. Even if I was in therapy I still wouldn't be anywhere near okay. I'm fed up with never having money and worrying about whether or not the power is going to get shut off or if I'm going to be able to buy food. Not to mention that my husband and I don't talk. Sure we say stuff to each other. I always ask him how he day was when he gets home from work and he always says fine. Or I ask what he wants for dinner and he says "I don't know. Food I guess". Literally that is his answer every time I ask. But I can't remember the last time we just talked. Every time I try to talk to him about our money problems, he says he just wants to relax or he just wants to do what he wants without me nagging at him. I don't even know why we bother anymore. Sometimes I fantasize about running away but I have no where to go. I obviously can't go stay with my dad and step-mom. I could go out to Cali and stay with my Grandma but she has to much on her plate as it is. She doesn't need me screwing up her life. Although I know she would never say it but I know I would just be a burden on her.
Maybe I'm just in a funk. I mean I don't seem to enjoy things anymore. I haven't been playing video games or hanging out with my friends. All I've been doing is staying in my house alone.
I know I sound like a whiny bitch but fuck it.
