Death Confessions

It's 12:15am and I am scared out of my wits.

So, I was hearing some rather foot-stepsy sounding noises in the kitchen, and I sneaked out of my bedroom into the hallway to investigate. As I strained to hear, the noises grew louder. Actually, it could've been the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears, because when I listen hard I tend to hear that.

I turned to my brother's door, contemplating whether or not to ask him if he heard the noises. When I turned back to the living room (separates my bedroom from the kitchen) I was immensely creeped out to see that my brother's laptop had turned on.

By itself.

I gripped my bedroom door frame and stared at the laptop for a couple straight minutes. I don't know if it was to gather enough courage to move, or to let my eyes adjust enough to convince myself that there was NOT indeed anyone else in the room. That's when I busted into my brother's room and and told him what happened.

All he said was that it does that sometimes, like when the mouse falls into the couch or something. I tried to argue that some sort of force had to have dislodged the mouse for it to have fallen into the couch, but he was too busy answering the Call of Duty to care.

Upon switching the hallway light, (why didn't I do that in the first place?) I saw that the mouse was sitting on the table. Next to the laptop. Very stationarily lodged.

What the friggin harpies is going on in my house.

It does NOT help that my mom came upstairs an hour or so ago when we were watching Jay Leno to tell us that there was someone making noises in the basement. She said something really loud crashed and it freaked her out, and she wanted my dad to come check it out.

I laughed then.

I'm not laughing now.

Be proud of me, mibbians, because I bravely crept down the stairs to get my laptop so I could write this. Granted, I had my pingpong paddle for protection, and I was flipping on every light I passed, but I made it. I would've carried my flashlight instead, because I believe I could do more damage with it, but it was out of batteries. Not like batteries are necessary for melee, but I didn't want to get caught in that horror movie moment where I hear a noise, go to click my light on, and it doesn't come on. No sir-ee.

I'm huddled on my bed with my flashlight, pingpong paddle, and laptop; wearing my warm hoodie, Dr. Pepper t-shirt, black & white striped clown leggings, purple rainbow socks, and pink and black hello kitty slippers. Yes, I am rocking the fashion. And yes, I'm wearing slippers in my bed.

Did I mention I'm insanely superstitious? I have a deathly fear of Bloody Mary. And I go slightly mental at nighttime. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, except that I should probably confess all my secrets before they are eternally buried.

I really don't want to die. I have a lot to live for, yknow? I've got like, 59 things on my bucket list so far. I still haven't eaten squirrel, sat in a court session, kissed someone underwater, fallen asleep in a small fishing boat, or gone on a color run. I haven't published a book, won a writing contest, sang “Fireflies” while hanging upside down, seen a meteor shower, or memorized a passage of Shakespeare. I'm a virgin. I've never kissed a guy. I HAVE A LOT TO LIVE FOR. So please don't kill me. Please.

However, I have just a few confessions to make in case I do die.

1) I am passionately in love with Damian McGinty. He will never know the extent of my feelings for him, but I will love him forever. And beyond.

2) While I swear up and down I utterly abhor my hair, I need to admit that I've grown a little fond of these curls.

3) I'm kind of in love with my best friend. I will deny I ever said this.

4) I never tell anyone this, but the reason four is my lucky number is because I did a card trick where I pretend I'm psychic and name the number of a card; and being daredevil-ish, I took a wild guess at the suite (4 of Clubs) and was right. I'll never forget that triumphant moment.

5) I have a really sexy butt.

6) Sometimes I dream of kissing ugly guys and I don't know why.

7) I'm not invincible.

8) I miss my sister. A lot. But I'm afraid to call her or message her or text her or anything. It's been two months and I haven't made any kind of contact with her. I'm a rotten sister. I'm just...scared to. She's always so perfect and flawless and I'm stumbly-bumbly, and I can never find the right words and she's a volcanic explosion of them. Heather, I love you. I'm glad you're enjoying college so far. You deserve the best.

9) I've kind of calmed down from the whole paranormal activity stuff, but I know as soon as I close my laptop I'll be wide awake again.

10) This list just keeps getting dumber and dumber, and it's almost 1am. BUT HERE I HAVE A LEGIT CONFESSION: Justin Bieber is kind of cute. And not as bad of a singer as I thought he was. I admit, I acted on bias. But I'm still not a fan. AND DON'T YOU EVER USE THIS AGAINST ME OR I WILL ROAST YOUR HEAD AND FEED IT TO AN ALBINO PIGEON.

11) I've thought of cutting myself before. Just a tad bit. Because I'm great at pretending like I can't feel pain. No, I've never done it, and I don't intend to. I'd just like to let you know I've thought of doing it. Multiple times.

12) I think the most beautiful soul in the world is Adam Young. I would do anything to have just half the soul he does. His heart, his mind, his passion. He's amazing. He's the most beautiful person on this earth.

13) I'm getting really tired, and I just sneezed a couple times because I haven't taken my pills. BUT I CAN'T LEAVE MY ROOM. I don't know what's out there! Also, it would be horrible bad luck to end on this number.

14) This is the age I am right now. This is the year I plan on surviving. That means no zombies, Mayan calendars, (or absences thereof) or whatever lurks beyond my door is going to stop me. I am the only Ems and I deserve the right to make my name known. And I haven't done that yet. So, deal with it, mother fudges.

X's and O's, Ems.