Merp.

Utter loneliness. This is one of the scariest things in life. It can be felt even when you are surrounded by people who care about you, and it can drive you to do extreame things. The shallow breaths, the feeling that no one care, or ever will. The thoughts of "Why bother?" "Why does it matter any more?". It's a hard thing to deal with, and I really am not sure how to do it. I wish I did, maybe it would make these times easier. Maybe it's just unhappiness. Maybe I am so used to faking a smile, and a laugh, and jokes that I can't realize how truly UN happy I am. Maybe I should just disappear for a while, fade into the patchwork. Not do or say anything to make me stand out. Be quiet, and keep to myself, as I so often wish I could without the constant pestering of "What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?". If I could just have time to sit, and be alone, and be HAPPY, I would crawl to the ends of the earth on my hands and knees over roads made of glass shards to be able to. But I guess for the time being, I will have to keep faking it. People seem to believe it, and I don't want to bother them with my problems. So I guess I have to hold on another day, and hope to make it through. Maybe I will, Maybe I won't.
DFTBA.Ashley.