Vague Stress Text

Do you ever kind of just get to a point where you're totally finished with everything? Like, you're so stressed out and so fucking tense that your shoulders start to ache and your body starts to shake and all of you just feels like a can of soda about to explode from being shaken around too much? Because that's kind of where I am right now, tonight, in my room, alone.

You search and search for some sort of escape from whatever is bothering you but your mind brings you back there, and everything you do you just end up right back there, where you started. Like a stress that no book, no song, no movie could ever cure. There's no medicine for stress. There's drugs and alcohol for some people, who can be either lucky or very unlucky for finding solice in those, there's books and things. What happens when the thing you turn to for comfort no longer comforts you, or doesn't in the situation you're in?

What if you're so far in deep water -- like the middle of the fucking ocean -- and your favourite goddamn book isn't there to chuck out the life ring so you don't fucking drown? What happens then? Do you just have a breakdown and deal with it? What if you can't cry and you want to so badly but it's just not happening? You want to so badly because the god damn endorphins, you fucking need them, but it's just not happening?

What if you fucking snap and you go into an emotional coma for like two weeks and feel nothing? Like a fucking psychopath, you just feel nothing, you don't give a fuck about anything. You lock yourself away from the fucking world and all your fucking friends and you just sit alone, in the quiet or the absolute not, listening to your entire fucking iTunes library just searching for a song to make you feel OK again.

You just don't want to put up with anything right then. You are so easily thrust into a nervous breakdown and you begin to have anxiety attacks and it's all down, down, down until at some point you kind of just black out. And nobody in the goddamn house knows. No one. Because you don't make a single fucking sound.

It's happened to me too god damn much. It happened almost weekly when I was depressed. Now I'm disappointed that it might be happening again. I would like to do things and have everyone understand -- people could be hurt, that would be fine, because it's only human, but just understand. Accept it and move on.

Some times things happen in life and they go on for months and you just wish they'd never happened. You wish they'd just disappear. It's really fucking shitty.